Now “The Questioning” Are Thrown Into the LGBT Sandbox? Huh??

20 Apr

I’ve noticed that some of the perpetually political correct jerks who write for our weekly gay rags lately have added a new caboose to the already overly long and getting-weary name the gay media calls our community. Now our sandbox isn’t just filled with gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders. No, now we’ve got a new social outlier: “the questioning.”

Who the fuck are they supposed to be?

Right off, and I know I’m goin’ to piss off some of you when I say this, and I’ve said it before, I’m a gay man who likes gay men. Period. No apologizes. No guilty feelings of not being inconclusive. Not that I got anything against everybody else who’s vying for the same pail and shovel that I am in our little sandbox, but, Jesus! – hear me out:

1. Sorry retrofem twinks, and Ru Paul wannabes, I’m a homo who wants a regular, average, unadultered, guy I can bring home to mother (if the bitch were still living).

2. I got nothing in common with lesbians who have a totally different psychology goin’ on than us gay guys. And they’re women – I got enough of them elsewhere in my shitty life.

3. Bisexuals can be fun like “str8” married men and those younger guys who claim to be pan sexual and swing both ways without blinking an eye. But my conviction is if you like your own sex in bed, chances are you’re gonna prefer that sex over the opposite one.

4. Transgenders can do whatever they like, but how can I as a gay guy who loves his dick and other guys’ dicks have any affinity to guys who voluntarily have theirs chopped off because upstairs they think like women?

OK, now that I’ve got that out of the way, we’re back to my original question.

Who the fuck are “the questioning?”

Confused prepubescents?

Guys married forty years to a woman who they had children by who are still wondering why the 17 year old jock bagging their groceries gives them a woody?

Priests or nuns who used religious life as a cover and now want it all?

I don’t fucken know – do you?

If the “questioning” need a gay guy to talk to to better understand themselves, fine, (buy me dinner), or better, go to a shrink. But make them another subset of us? Huh?? What’s next? Guys and gals who like, I mean REALLY like their Fidos?

All I can say, when you, “the questioning,” have stopped questioning and made up your mind what gets your motor running, let me know. If you’re cute and interested, maybe I’ll even break you in. But until you know who you are:

Stay out of my sandbox!

Is Meningitis a new STD?

18 Apr

Now some public health officials are advising promiscuous gay men to be vaccinated against invasive meningitis, relatively uncommon and less contiguous than the flu but which if not caught early can cause permanent brain damage or death.

The numbers right now are small, but in a recent outbreak in LA, another party town for us gay boys, four of the eight men who came down with the illness had sex with other men and three were HIV positive. The three who died were in their twenties and two were HIV positive. (What somebody in their twenties is doing being HIV positive is absurd enough.) And about a third of the meningitis cases reported in LA county since the fall of 2012 involved practicing homosexuals. Again, like HIV, transmission is by bodily fluids; in this case salvia and mucous are the culprit. (“Spit on it, fucker, spit on it!”)

Could this be 1980 all over again?

Let’s hope not.

You Know What this Droopy Economy Needs to Get an Erection? More Gay Marriage!

16 Apr

Fuck all those businesses who don’t want to do business with those of us who wanna get hitched – they’re the losers in the end. Eco experts in Colorado where we’re still waiting estimate approving SSM would add 50 mil to the state’s economy. And already gay marriage with all the typical marriage trappings – receptions, limos, flowers, pics, videos, honeymoon suites, and let’s not forget the ring boy – has pumped hundreds of millions of dollars – not millions but hundreds of millions – into the economies of these states that have legalized SSM. Some same that figure could top one billion dollars if we could get married anywhere we wanted.

It’s given NYC a size queen’s $259 million dollar shot in the arm, $110 mil in California and hell, Iowa in the heart of the Bible Belt, yet a gay marriage state early in the game, reaped the profits from Chicago couples who crossed the state line and spent their wedding dollars there. (Illinois goes rainbow June 1).
Remember, Georgia, Alabama, Florida and the rest of you, federal recognition of gay marriage means I don’t have to reside in a state that recognizes gay marriage. I can live in Fort Lauderdale and get married in Manhattan and still file joint federal income taxes, benefit from the social security survivor benefits, etc.

And I haven’t even touched on other benefits to local economies like additional tax revenues, more home and condo sales , etc., etc.

Imagine if the rest of the tight assed states got on board?

You don’t have to love us to love our money.

Second Hand Sex Revisited

14 Apr

Sure, enjoying porn is no purview of just us gay boys, and a recent survey conducted by Cosmo magazine showed that a third of all men, str8 and gay, watch porn every day, and seventy one percent of guys 18-34 who should be young enough to get the real deal watch porn at least once a month.

But according to Psychology Today, “Gay men watch more porn, have larger porn stashes, search for more porn online, subscribe to porn sites more often, maintain more subscriptions at the same time, and renew their subscriptions more often. But these greater numbers might simply be the result of a lack of interference by women: in general, gay men are more tolerant of their partners watching porn than women are.”

What’s most interesting, though, is the revelation by psychologists that continued use of hard core porn rewires the brain. Porn is not only addictive; it replaces real world sexual experiences and can actually deaden not enhance a person’s actual sexual relationships with real people.

Sound familiar?

How many of us – and I count myself in those numbers – are constantly titillated by “conversations” we have with guys on the phone apps and hookup sites or even Facebook, or, fuck, let’s be honest, by just their hard dick pics, to the point that our memory tracks of those fantasy fucks are carried over to the bedroom to make what might have been a less than satisfying encounter more, well, erectionable.

And just like the shrinks theorize, I’m also convinced a lot of guys, not just us older gents but young, with- it men too are coming to prefer virtual wireless sex over the real deal. That’s why cruising is fast becoming an extinct bar art (notice how many guys are fuckin’ around on their phones instead of looking at the scenery?), the baths are for old school fags, with the emphasis on the word “old”, who are trying to relive the days when they were still hot; and how many actual web dates never really seem to meet our expectations.

Hell, of course there’s a lot of shit on Manhunt and bear411 profiles, or Growl’r where I can have a ten minute hot time with a guy halfway around the world who doesn’t even know English. But I also used to be a big fan of xtube.com and its spontaneous, unscripted amateur porn. Of late, though, I’ve become addicted to boundjocks.com.

Yep, it’s a paid site, but nothing gets me gonna quicker than watching some hunk have his way with another hot dude who’s all tied up and can’t do a fucken thing about it.

Poor baby.

One For The Gipper

12 Apr

Well, that wedding photographer who refused to shoot a gay gig because she felt her creative expressions were being compromised lost her appeal in the Supreme Court. I hope this is a good omen for us that that the other, much larger suit by corps whose owner are holy rollers and don’t want to offer family planning services as part of their Obama health care packages to their employees will also go south.

Again, businesses are secular enterprises, licensed by the government. If you want to use freedom of expression or religion as an excuse to discriminate, stop accepting federal business loans and stop taking business deductions on your taxes.

Truth in Advertising

10 Apr

Just about every major town has its weekly gay bar guide. Here in Fort Lauderdale we’re blessed with three, including one bilingual in English and Spanish. Now being a man about town and more knowledgeable then I’d like to admit about Lauderdale’s high and low spots in gaydom, I always get a chuckle out of how totally different an ad for a dive is from its reality.

Take Scandals, our western bar, which did whooper business this past weekend with the rodeo in town. Its luscious ads this week sported shirtless, well -muscled guys with their cowboy hats pulled down low in delectable come hither style not unlike the hot cowboy singers on this past Sunday’s Academy of Music Awards show.

But what did I find Saturday night in the wall-to- wall packed place? Sure some hunky fucks, but at least half the crowd was ancient – and I can say it because I’m old too – ancient like in “next stop – the Depends aisle.” (Typical conversation at 10 pm: “Com’on Harry, it’s time to go to bed.”) Not exactly the finger lickin’ good guys promised in their ads.

Or the ads for the local bath houses. Again, luring hot thirty something men with only a towel between themselves and Michaelangelo nakedness grace their ads. So how come most times I’ve gone, the places look like God’s waiting room and saying that is an insult to God. Buddy, just because you took your dollar generic Viagra and your cock is as hard as an iron pipe means shit to me, at least, if the rest of you is held together with crazy glue. If I get that old and get caught in a bath house with my walker, please, one silver bullet to the forehead. For what some of these guys spend on rooms, it would be more economical to just buy the rent boy of your choice a couple of times a month.

Could this be the reason one of the whorehouses, realizing the demographics it relied on for the past twenty years are fading fast and the youngens are home on their phone or laptop, high on meth, has decided to offer FREE memberships and lockers to under 24 year olds?

Mark my words: if these places don’t change their business strategies real quick, in five years, there are gonna be a few more 7-11’s.

BTW, this same place is going smoke-free (This is Florida, guys, where anything goes, not tight-assed, health-conscious NYC). Good Luck, Charlie, in this chain smokin’ town.

An Ironic Twist in the Gay Marriage Battle Here in Florida

8 Apr

Fifty years ago, African Americans rightly fought for their civil rights. But now that we gay guys and gals want ours, a coalition of black (and Latin) preachers down here in Florida are protesting lifting the ban on gay marriage on the grounds that in 2008, 62% of the electorate voted against dropping the ban.

Ironic ain’t it? Shouldn’t what was good for the goose be good for the gander? Plus 2008 might as well be the nineteenth century with the way things have changed. And it’s a fact today a majority – slight though it may be – of Americans don’t give two shits who marries who.

Well, all I can do is play back the video tape – if it’s unconstitutional, it’s unconstitutional, and I don’t give a fuck if the vote was nineteen million to one.

Supreme Court, will you stop worrying about campaign contributions by the multi-billionaires and settle this once and for all?

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