About Confessions of a Str8 Gay Man and Blogger RP Andrews
- I know you’re out there. Guys like me. Str8 gay guys, guys who are guys who want guys who are guys. Some bullshit at times – can two people ever avoid it? – but Calvin Klein cologne, never. We’re out there in the urban jungles leading the gay solo life, or married in suburbia, sometimes with kids, checking out the gym sauna or that adult bookstore on the sly. We’re auto mechanics, teachers, lawyers, UPS drivers (yes!), clerks, jocks and beer guzzlers. Some of us still have one foot in the closet for whatever professional or personal reasons. Then there are those of us who’ve kicked the door off its hinges and don’t give a fuck what people think because we’re confident in our masculinity and feel that what it is to be a man has a lot more to do with what’s
upstairs in our heads than what we’ve got between our legs. Some of us like giving it, others like getting it, but while we may use terms like “top” or “bottom” in our conversations or web profiles to cut to the chase, we hate labels. We’re homosexuals – not fags – because we’re a guy who just happens to want a guy and knows what a guy wants. It’s that simple. Right? - We wish. Sure, being gay can be adventurous, but because we haven’t got a script like straights, it can also be a challenge. That’s why I think it’s time us guys had something to guide us and talk about what we want and think without all that fag fluff, glitter and gloss that the media and even our own sub-culture peddles. I’ve lived and played in New York City, L.A., and South Florida, hotbeds of gaydom, and traveled throughout most of the U.S., and what I’m going to try to do here, men, in my daily blog, “Confessions of a Str8 Gay Man” is give you guys a heads up on what it is to be gay in America and, most importantly, how best to navigate the invariably rough bumps all of us in this Life will encounter sooner, if not later. A gay fantasy with walks on the beach and hot showers this blog ain’t.Unlike some gay propagandists that paint a rosy, cum-stained picture to sell their camming hunks, two-for-one drink specials, or stainless steel douches, I have no agenda other than to tell the truth as I’ve seen it. Some of you, when you read my unvarnished, highly biased observations, opinions and advice, sprinkled with a healthy dose of true confessions, will say “right on, bro!” But I’m sure there will also be just as many of you out there who’ll shout, “who the fuck does this arrogant queer think he is?” So be it.
- I hope my pearls of hard-won wisdom will help you maximize your hardons and minimize your heartache. So set your address bar for str8gayconfessions.com.
- RP Andrews
- RP Andrews spent most of his life and career in New York City as a public relations executive before relocating to Fort Lauderdale in 2002 where he currently teaches writing at a local university. “Basic Butch,” his first book published in the spring of 2008, is a collection of edgy short stories set in some of America’s leading gay venues with characters – gay men and women – whose arrogant, aggressive natures lead them down life paths they wished they had never explored. His second work, “Adrift in The Land of Plenty” published in 2009, is a novel that tells the story of a young psychopathic Florida drifter, whose body, brains, and cocky attitude are all he has to offer the world. “Basic Butch” is now available as an e-book on Kindle and Nook.
- For more info, check out gay-erotic-fiction.com
hey bud,
just came across your site (not sure how I got here) and wanted to say that as a 61-year old gay guy, much of what you write mirrors my life and you can be funny as hell too.
Keep it up!
Tom
thanks buddy – appreciate it
BTW, I’m actually 64 but I list my age on the hook-up sites in Manhunt years – and my pics are all current – otherwise I’d never get a hit … So let my true age be our little secret, huh?
Have a good new year. Ray
Thanks for writing what’s been long overdue.
HERE’S WHAT YOU SENT ME AND MY RESPONSES
Not sure I understand what you mean when you say “my physicality was a plus.” So were you, have you been, are you now athletic? Besides working out, do you engage in any other sport (other than sex, I mean).
I wasn’t athletic when I was young, but at that time all hi school sports were competitive; if they had gymnastics or wrestling I would have been; work out, run, hike today. I always had a good body just never took advantage of it until I came out.
And what happened at 21 that made you discover your “physicality.” Guys noticing me for me
So are the scars of not being picked gone away? Do they still haunt you today? If so, what prompts that?
Still a feeling of insecurity; comes back whenever I sense rejection
Not being picked is not the same as guys really being upset that they got stuck with you…so what did you experience…being passed over…or consciously realizing that the guys were upset they had to play with you?
Never had guys get stuck with me
I know what you mean
I’ll get back to you,Burton, over the weekend. Right now I just got back from my PA home for the summer and am in the midst of reopening my house here in Ft Lauderdale – a bitch. (The hurricane shutters I put up in June have to come down, etc. etc) . But I’ll respond to your Q’s by Sat or Sun. Thanks for your comments. R
I will get back to your Burton on your questions – I had some computer problems today – spent an hour on the phone with Cisco – but I will get back to you.
Burton:
I grew up in New Jersey, worked in NYC and lived a good many years on Staten Island, a borough of NY. I bought a vacation home in Dingmans Ferry, PA, near Milford, in the NE part of the state, loosely the Poconos, years ago and kept it after I left NYC for FL in 2002.
The cosmetic surgery all on the face was injections only; did it once about a year and a half ago and again last spring.
I work out 3 to 4 times a week (an hour or so each session) at LA Fitness; also have a Bowflex at home which I use off days. My exercise regimen and diet in fact is covered in Monday’s blog. I do mostly machines since I’m concerned about hurting myself with the free weights; when you’re older you need to be careful.
Yes, they’re all my pics and current; and no I’m older than you. I’m 63. If you subscribe to any of the hook-up sites, I’m rayandy on Daddyhunt and bear 411. Again all current.
Like you, I’m in the best shape of my life.
I’ve met many married guys with kids now leading a gay existence. I have some blogs on the subject coming up in a few weeks.
Despite two successful careers and success shall we say in the bedroom, with hot guys telling me I’m hot, I never have really gotten over that rejection of my youth; a terrible psychological scar.
R.
I’ll get back to you later today.
On my Dickter Scale, I rate myself a 7; I’m hairy, cute (even at 63), am taken for my late 40’s, in shape and yes, going shirtless, turn a few heads in the bar, but nothing much comes if it. My best luck for all their faults are the hook up websites, followed by sex venues like Slammers though Slammers is often more emotionally unsatisfying drive-by sex rather than Kodak moments. ( I don’t walk around naked at S so showing off my equipment. a bit above average, is not my allure). I also fully recognize I’m a 5’6” aging gay and there are plenty of better looking men out there. I do the best with what I’ve got.
Re. disease, the only way is to play it safe with condoms. Period. I truly thinking sucking dick is low risk, but fucking or getting fucked is far riskier without protection. I ran into one older divorced guy who came out at 60 and got HIV with his very first trick – go figure.
Your partner may be settling for monogamy out of default because of his MS health issue; but I don’t think that is fair to you. Either you reach an understanding or be discrete.
BTW, extra-”marital” relationships will be covered on Oct 2, 3, “Fuckin’ Around on the Side.”
Fortunately we all do foolish things and yes I like to rim provided the guy is clean.
Slammers is hit and miss for me; sometimes I have fun; other times it’s just a physical release; and on a rare occasion it’s a total flop.
The incest theme has no basis in fact with me though I’ve known gay brothers over the years; I have no beef against 3somes; all I wanted to point out were some of the negative consequences that might occur and that guys should be aware of.
Pretty much the relationship I described in my blog are the ones I’ve known about. I think part of the stumbling block guys have to 3somes is whether everyone in the relationship will be treated on equal grounds. While 3somes can be fun short-term, I really believe they can be very complicated long term unless you hit on the right 2 guys.
Actually I just drafted one exactly on that topic. I plan to run it soon; will give you a heads up on the date. Thanks again for the suggestion.
Burton – I’ll be running “The Huge Cock: Is Bigger Really Better?” on Nov 14. R
you’ll see
no no no – you know I tell it like it is whether people agree with me or they don’t
that could be true but my pics and me in person are the same so if he was intimidated I don’t think he would have hit me up to begin with.
Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. Gay sex does not have to be painful by any means. Any sex should be pleasurable. It’s true if you’ve never been fucked, being fucked even for seasoned gays can be painful until the penis has passed that muscle in your rectum. But you don ‘t have to get fucked to have gay sex. Oral sex – sucking dick, balls, tits, pits, rimming can be fun with no pain at all. Those guys that get into S and M do so because they find a certain degree of pain pleasurable. It’s all up to the individual and his partner.
I would definitely recommend it – just do with open eyes. It’s not a miracle worker, you still have to watch your diet and work out and it can be costly.
I average 5-7 sexual encounters (Kodak moments and drive=bys) and 2 or 3 solos a week. I’ve never gone on a cruise to tell you.
I’m cocky because at 63 I got my health, am financial comfortable, look better than when I was 30, and attract and bed down with cute guys old enough to be my son. My partner and I haven’t had sex in decades; he’s content with porn; we stay together for a lot of other more important reasons; of my 5 to 7 encounters, average age is 45, though I’ve had them as young as their 30′s. (I don’t want 20somethings looking for a daddy though I get hit on the web my them – too too young). Fantasy is my type, short, hairy, humpy, 40′s; xtube.com great for jo porn. On the websites, I get a combined average of 50 hits a week – again maybe 1 or 2 materialize – a lot of game players or people out of town like the hit I got today from Bejing, China!
good idea – will try
Our sex life was pretty conventional – lasted two years into the relationship, then he pretty much lost interest in me and men (he’s ten yrs my senior, and should have been married) though he admitted to me years later he had had an affair to get back at me for having one he found out about.
his masculinity, hard to find in this life
curious – are you in a relationship – what’s going on in your world?
The length depends on the material and my time; replies to comments ditto -
Burton – Most of what I think I put in my blogs which is why I’m not into lengthy responses on comments; that and the fact just writing a daily blog takes most of my creative time. As for my partner, he’s a man – nothing faggy about him at all – a jock, conservative like me, does not relate to the gay sub-culture whatsoever which, yes, can be both a minus and a plus. I am, rightly or wrongly more on his wavelength and delve into the life strictly for the sex and ego kicks – the rest of it is BS. Again my thoughts and my blogs, as I said from the onset, are my unvarnished, highly biased views for people to accept or reject as they choose and for which I make no apologies.
My attitude I think also comes from my over 30 years in healthcare public relations where I couldn’t tell people, many of them assholes including some of the most educated people in our society, i.e. physicians, what I really thought of them – now that I’m out of it, fuck the world.
You got it mostly right. He’s not interested much in sex, just porn. I, on the other hand, still need it. He doesn’t go out much; I frequent the clubs and bars as a prelude to the sex club or for a nightcap after I’ve had my fun.
He’s 72, thinks he’s younger and acts like a middle aged str8 guy. His standards are high but they can be when you’re content with fantasy. He has no interest in interacting in the flesh.
Sorry, I’m in NYC, my sister is undergoing major surgery. All I can say about George is what attracts me most to him is the fact he acts and thinks like a straight guy, even to the point of being homophobic when it comes to the BS of this sub-culture.
I’ve never been a social animal; I hate parties and en mass functions even when I ran them as a PR exec and only deal with bars on a limited basis. Being good at socializing means listening to what other people have to say and responding to that. But again I operate better in one-on-one settings, i.e., my success on line and in sex venues. As far as scoring, the web for all its deficiencies has improved my odds enormously, again because of its guy-to-guy nature and the ability to reach out (certainly not always successfully) more easily. As for my sense of masculinity, I just feel confident in being a man which is what I see in my mirror every day which is why, although I’m criticized for it, I can’t buy into a lot of the glitzy gay culture.
This was the next to last message you sent me on 12:30:
“There is a lot that you wrote in Ode to Mitch, but there is so much more that you did not write.
I was surprised by this admission: “I had never mentioned Mitch to the handful of people I knew…” mainly because you are intelligent, seem to have your head figured out, and are very good at socializing (how else would you score so frequently?). So the “handful of people I knew…” carries a lot of wallop. There are several things I want to know about your insights, but when I have probed in the past, you have given me short shrift. So I find myself frustrated by you. You are so damn impenetrable! I wonder if that shores up your sense of masculinity?”
As to your latest comments to me:
Much of what I write about is what I’ve seen, heard or experienced with and from other men, then filtered by my own view of the world based on my life experiences from childhood on up like everybody else. For sure, I’m preaching at times – hell, this IS a blog – but my preaching I feel is based on some solid experiences and observations, not just pure opinion.
As far as masculinity is concerned, yea I get off on myself when I’m with a man who reminds me of me. I guess what I see in the mirror is a reflection of what American society views as being manly, which is not necessarily what being a man can or should be. It is what it is.
not really – maybe more $$$ than me and ten years younger
Hey thanks – I really appreciate it. Just curious demographically speaking: how old are you?