Age CAN Make A Difference

Age CAN Make A Difference

I know a guy, now seventy, who’s married, legally, within the last five years, a trio of twenty somethings because that’s what he likes, each of whom have left him after a year or so and parting with some part of his assets. The last shipped the nice car hubby had bought him to San Francisco, then texted him, “l miss you.” After the rigors of divorcing each of these guys old enough to be his grandson, Mr. Lonely Hearts, handsome and a retired bank exec – that still doesn’t exempt him from being brain dead – is now working on Twenty Something Number Four.

Do age differences make a difference? Sure they do.

Sometimes they’re intentional like here when the old man likes ‘em young or when younger guys are looking for, not necessarily a sugar daddy, but but an older mentor to show them the way. But coming from different generations can and often does lead to great irrevocable divides.

Sometimes age differences just happen, like with me and my ex. While only a decade separated us it was a momentous one in gay history. G, my elder, was nearly caught in a bar raid and always viewed gay life suspiciously. I, the Younger,  came of age with the dawn of Gay Liberation. The result: we never viewed the sub- culture we had been born into it the same way, leaving me often alone – and wandering.

The other very practical issue – romantics you can stop reading here – is when the elder partner begins experiencing the eventualities of old age, often leaving the younger partner still active –  and horney – to become his partner’s caregiver by default  Some soul mates are happy to play the role but many resent it, a few even dropping out of sight when the going gets rough. Just like str8’s who erroneously think their kids will take care of them in their old age, having a partner half your life guarantees you shit. In a bitter irony, while l’ve been there for G’s crises, he has not been there for mine.

So what advice can l impart? Unless guys much younger or older than you are an auto erection turn on, mate with someone close to your own age so you can experience life’s ups – and downs –  on the same page.

Not on different continents.

An Open Love Letter To My Married Man

An Open Love Letter To My Married Man

Hard to believe but after over seven decades on this earth, and almost five as a practicing gay man, I never had reciprocal love in my life from another man until now.

Not from G, my partner for most of those years – ours was a rocky partnership born out of convenience, an early infatuation that faded sooner than usual, and a mutual love for our dogs. Nor did I ever encounter it with the hundreds of men I knew or had sex with. Maybe it was my fault staying with G in a closed relationship which prevented me at least theoretically from making commitments to another, or maybe it was my drive to succeed professionally which led to a scant social life. Or maybe I just came in contact with the wrong people or was the type to attract them, guys whose true agenda, whatever their pretense, was themselves.

Period.

But what does it matter now. Almost two years ago he came into my life. Boyishly handsome, intelligent, creative, a solid jock, old enough to be my son … and married to another man. No matter what your type, he has everything going for him in the man’s department and lucky for me – and his legal spouse – he likes his men much older than himself. He married for love and while his hubby professes he still loves him, he doesn’t offer the sex or attention a handsome, no, a beautiful man like his spouse should garner. Or deserves.

Enter me.

Too many relationships, particularly gay ones, are based on “good sex,” and when that becomes ho-hum, so does the relationship which lingers on DNR or ends up like a car driving off a cliff. For my married man and me, our mutual physical attraction and total compatibility in bed is only part of our ongoing affection – I’d like to use the  love – we have for one another. Openly and aggressively affectionate from the very start, an attribute for which he has not wavered an iota – he’s the best damn kisser I have ever known – he has shared the ups and downs of his existence as I have with him, and in so doing we have discovered that in some ways we may actually be soul mates. We have the same practical views on life and materialism, and are kindred spirits when it comes to our creative endeavors, he photography and music, I my writing.

In fact, he inspired Dare, one of protagonists in my latest novel, “For The Love of Samuel,” and created a club music track using soundbites from the Audiobook version narrated by yours truly. He even immortalized my images in his digital wizardry that blends bits and pieces of photos into a color mosaic cornucopia.

Yes, the one thing we all look for in a relationship and which I did and never had with G, absorbed with his couch potato interest in sports that left me a baseball widow in the summer and a football widow in the winter, I will also never have with my married man. As my female neighbor and sometime confident who dated married men warned, “They’re never around for the holidays or when you need them most. Their family always comes first.“

How I long to spend a Saturday night with my lover and my dogs, having a pizza and watching some old movie, for which I would trade the glitz of bar life in a heartbeat. But again I realize that is not to be.

For a moment there I was ready to throw the baby out with the bath water. But always being a practical person I realized that I had so much in common with my married man – my man – the most foolish thing I could ever do, not just at my age but any age, was to tell him to get lost.

As he and I often say to one another, to find someone in life so much on your wavelength is not just rare. It’s a miracle. And we all know miracles don’t come often. And if and when it should end, I can at least say to myself,  for once in my life I had the love of another man who I loved just as deeply.

And that I was one fucken lucky dude to have that.

Is Donald Trump Today’s Huey Long?

Is Donald Trump Today’s Huey Long?

This blog was originally posted in March, 2016, prior to the election, but given what’s going on in D.C. right now, I think it is even more relevant today:

Huey Long was a bombastic 1930’s politician, a braggart, a bully, an emotional blackmailer and a megalomaniac rejected by the Establishment but revered by the common folk, who, like Trump, aspired to be President. So do we have another Huey Long on our hands?

To be fair, there are plenty of differences between the two men. Long was a Southerner from Louisiana, Trump is a Yankee from New York. Long grew up penniless, Trump, though he denies it, with a silver spoon in his mouth, thanks to his real estate mogul dad, Fred. Long was a career politician, Trump a businessman at least until he announced his candidacy, though both used cutthroat techniques to get what they wanted. And Long campaigned on a Bernie Sanders style Robin Hood strategy of robbing the rich through taxation to give to the poor, something capitalistic billionaire Trump would never do. (Update: The tax legislation just passed favors corporate America not us little people.)

But, ah, all the similarities! Long was rejected by the Establishment of his day, in this case the Democratic Party, including its Great White Father Roosevelt who was President at the time. Trump was so reviled by the GOP Establishment that they actually took out ads against him. (Update: Despite the fact the Republicans are in control of Congress, at least until the mid-term elections, a small faction of Pubs who hate Sir Donald have prevented him for getting what he wants passed. And there is an army of Pubs including Speaker of House Ryan who have decided not to run.)

And both men’s power base was not in the elite but in the common man. Long’s appeal was obvious: he was promising them a free ride on the coattails of the rich; Trump is apparently stream rolling his way to the nomination because people from all backgrounds are fed up with the do-nothing career politicians in D.C. (Instead we got a vacillating warmongering embarrassment who sets policy through Twitter.)

Wanna know more about Long? Google him, or better yet, rent the 1949 Academy Award winning flick, “All the Kings Men,” a thinly fictionalized account of Long, named Willie Stark in the film, both his rise and abrupt fall.

BTW, the only thing that was able to stop Huey was an assassin’s bullet.

Okay, I’m gonna stop right there.

The Answers to Friday’s: “Questions You’ll Never Find on the American Citizenship Exam”

The Answers to Friday’s: “Questions You’ll Never Find on the American Citizenship Exam”

  1. “Washington slept here” is often used by towns throughout the East Coast as a tourist grabber. In which town did The Father Of Our Country have a threeway with two barmaids? Answer: Pick any town he visited. He wasn’t called The Father Of Our Country for nothing.
  2. Which First Lady could be considered the Wash Woman of the White House? Answer: Abigail Adams, wife of John Adams, our Second President, who hung wash in the half finished Executive Mansion.
  3. What President spent money like a drunken sailor so when he died his slaves had to be sold to pay his debts? Answer: Thomas Jefferson, who wrote the phrase, “All men are created equal.“
  4. Who was quite possibly our shortest President (how big his dick was history doesn’t tell us)? Answer: James Madison, who was five foot four
  5. Which President’s wife was accused of being a bigamist? Answer: The wife of Andrew Jackson who supposedly married him before the divorce with her first husband went through.
  6. Which future President supposedly screwed around with his male roomate while studying law? Answer: Abraham Lincoln.
  7. Who was possibly our first gay President who was a crossdresser and had his boyfriend live with him in the White House? Answer: James Buchanan.
  8. Which President fathered a child out of wedlock (for you millenials that means without being married to the gal)? Answer: Grover Cleveland.
  9. Which President was a dirty old man who married while in the White House when he was 49 and his bride was 21? Answer: Grover Cleveland.
  10. Which President may have been poisoned by his wife who was fed up with him fucking around? Warren G. Harding by his wife Florence.
  11. Which President was a man of such few words, unlike today’s politicians, that when a woman at some function said she took a bet that she could make him say more than two words his reply was “You lose.” Answer: Calvin Coolidge.
  12. Who was our first “handicapped “ President that most people never knew was physically challenged? Answer: Franklin D. Roosevelt who had been crippled by polio and used heavy metal braces to simulate walking while assisted  by a military officer or one of his sons. There is only one known picture of FDR photographed in a wheelchair.
  13. Who may have been our first lesbian First Lady? Answer:Eleanor Roosevelt who had a very dear mannish looking (that’s how my very politically incorrect mother would have described her) female news reporter friend Lorena Hickok with whom she traveled extensively.
  14. Who may have been our first alcoholic First Lady? Mamie Eisenhower, wife of Dwight D. Eisenhower, who actually had Meniere’s Disease, a condition of the inner ear which affects equilibrium and made her appear drunk at some public functions. Or was that the cover story?
  15. What President, well known as a womanizer, was quoted as saying, “Move over, this is your President” to some young thing when the both of them we’re trying to recover from their heavy drinking in one of their party host’s bedrooms? Answer: Lyndon Johnson.
  16. How many times did John F Kennedy jerk off thinking of Marilyn Monroe on his way to his Inauguration? Answer: None, he was fucking her on the train over.

And here’s the Bonus Round: Why is the White House called the White House?

In the War of 1812, the only invasion on American soil by a foreign power outside of the British during the American Revolution and the terrorists on 9/11, the Brits set fire to the Yankee capital. The Executive Mansion was seriously damaged, and to cover the charred burn marks on its outer walls that still stood, it was painted – you got it – white.

Questions You’ll Never Find on the American Citizenship Exam

Questions You’ll Never Find on the American Citizenship Exam

A Brit friend of mine is applying for citizenship, and in addition to being able to speak English (l think that’s what he calls what he’s saying) and not being a felon (his only crime was robbing a pack of fags from a schoolmate when he was twelve), he needs to pass a ten question exam in American history and the American political system. Now Immigration makes it pretty easy by giving you 100 questions and their answers of which they will choose 10 and of which you only have to answer six right.

But here are some questions you’ll never find on any citizenship exam:

  1. “Washington slept here” is often used by towns throughout the East Coast as a tourist grabber. In which town did The Father Of Our Country have a threeway with two barmaids?
  2. Which First Lady could be considered the Wash Woman of the White House?
  3. What President spent money like a drunken sailor so when he died his slaves had to be sold to pay his debts?
  4. Who was quite possibly our shortest President (how big his dick was history doesn’t tell us)?
  5. Which President’s wife was accused of being a bigamist?
  6. Which future President supposedly screwed around with his male room mate while studying law?
  7. Who was possibly our first gay President who was a crossdresser and had his boyfriend live with him in the White House?
  8. Which President fathered a child out of wedlock (for you millenials that means without being married to the gal)?
  9. Which President was a dirty old man who married while in the White House when he was 49 and she was 21?
  10. Which President may have been poisoned by his wife who was fed up with him fucking around?
  11. Which President was a man of such few words, unlike today’s politicians, that when a woman at some function said she took a bet that she could make him say more than two words his reply was “You lose.”
  12. Who was our first “handicapped” President that most people never knew was physically challenged?
  13. Who may have been our first lesbian First Lady?
  14. Who may have been our first alcoholic First Lady?
  15. What President, well known as a womanizer, was quoted as saying, “Move over, this is your President” to some young thing when the both of them we’re trying to recover from their heavy drinking in one of their party host’s bedrooms?
  16. How many times did John F Kennedy jerk off thinking of Marilyn Monroe on his way to his Inauguration?

And you thought Clinton who lied about getting his dick sucked or Trump and Ms Big Boobs were our only Presidential indiscretions.

Answers Monday.

 

 

Love Machine Or Insatiable Addiction?

Love Machine Or Insatiable Addiction?

You know what l’m talking about. It’s our smartphones, which besides being used to stay in contact with business, family and friends, is our source for “love” or so us gay men think who are hooked to the pickup apps like Grindr and Scruff and Bear411 and all the rest. That’s why Manhunt, the granddaddy of all gay hookup sites, is dying. Though available in a mobile version, MH is behind the times for most of us who don’t want to wade through layers of data junk. Just show me the guys please, especially the ones who desire me, alright?

Okay, the web killed the bars that are now largely social and left the bathhouses for the most part the domain of the old and the anonymous sex boys. But while in the beginning the web promised the possibility of good sex and even better love, sadly it too has deteriorated. Over the last couple of years the guys who hit me up fall into several not very desirable categories:

The illiterate. My profiles say l’m looking for hairy, bearded inshape guys over 40. So why do l get smooth or sloppy 24 year olds or guys who look like they belong in a nursing home or at some Jennie Craig Failures reunion?

The flirtatious. More pics please.

The drive-by breed me all night boys. See Fort Troff > fucking machines.

The out-of town hotties looking for a free vacation in Fort Lauderdale.

The meth heads who think you’re hot till you tell them you don’t pnp or don’t have any candy around.

The don’t get it’s. Fifteen years they hit me up, fifteen years l don’t respond or finally you tell them you’re not interested, and like somebody with Alzheimer’s they continue.  Ditto with guys who send you three messages in a row.

The no-shows. promise to call you, promise to come over, even schedule a hook-up and never show or even text you they can’t make it like they were abducted by aliens. (Or maybe they ARE Aliens.)

Do l sound like I’m disgusted. Well, guess what? l am.

A writer to “Ask Amy,” my favorite advice columnist complained about being addicted to his smartphone, and Amy pointed out that studies have linked smartphone overuse to unhappiness and depression. She went on to describe her experience of app fasting which made her feel free.

Could be it be we expect too much from these taps and oinks and “you’re hot” and when they don’t deliver our little fantasies, we find ourselves in worse shape than when we started?

I’ve got one good steady who actually loves me as much as l love him, so l think it’s time l went on my own app fasting diet.

How about you?