The Tina Fuck (No, Not Fuck Tina) Diet

A three day nightmare in Key West with my partner (a tale for another blog) where we ate frugally and walked our asses off nonetheless left me five pounds – OMG! – five pounds heavier than my ideal fantasy rentboy weight.

But just when I thought I’d be living on celery stalks for the next two weeks, lo and behold appeared my knight in shining armor (well, sort of, he was a hairy mother fucker), Jaco, a Cape Town hottie in town on vacation who wooed me on Bear411.

Now like I’ve said before. I’m not a dopey, but if a guy’s got some goodies, well, it’s his dime not mine – right? – and I consider freebie highs as a thank you for being a good fuck. So when Jaco mentioned he had Tina in his e’s as we were in the final stages of our “when and where” (that afternoon, his place in Pompano Beach) negotiations, I replied, “np” though I knew from my sadly brief tryst with my clone meth head Mitch (see blog posted on 12/1) that Tina was great for raising the horny dial but box office poison when it came to keeping Mr. Peter ready and raging.

Jaco loved playing Boy to his Dad (c’est moi), and I must say really worshipped my Daddy Dick with his mouth before giving up his hot hairy butt. And tempted by the serpent, I was the one who coaxed him to give me just a smidgen of a hit to elevate me to Horny Heaven without knocking out my Viagra enriched boner. After all, what good’s a Daddy if he can’t make a man of his Boy?

And while Jaco was certainly delectable, a beautiful specimen with beard and fur and a dick that, when he able to get it up, surpassed mine in the size department, he was also chronologically at 37 indeed old enough to be my son which only enhanced our little Daddy-Boy performance. That and the fact that a guy who obviously liked to get fucked – a lot – thought my dick might be too big for his manhole to muster after the 4 inch daddy dick he had had the night before. (Sure, keep talking dirty to me).

We fucked and sucked and stroked and played for two hours straight until I was past my curfew and before my furry balls he so adored would be sliced off with a butter knife by my very- very-vanilla-doesn’t-want-to- have- sex-anymore-yet-is-extremely-jealous other half.

As I figured would happen, my second hit of Tina (yea I know, I know, I didn’t walk the talk) put my penis in sleep mode and me and Jaco never did exchange our man juice. Instead, I ended up jerking off four times – yes, four times –  that night at home thinking of Jaco and that glorious furry body and glorious furry butt, that is when I was able to finally wake Mr. Peter out of his drug induced slumber. Those of you who have dabbled with meth or Ecstasy know what I’m talking about. Your dick could be as soft as your prepubescent boyhood but still sensitive as hell to the touch and feel like it was a foot long and raging. But I finally managed to pop the cork on my champagne, thank you very much.

Funny, but the only interrogation I got from my other half  was why I wasn’t eating dinner – Tina also does a number on your appetite – and guess what guys? The following morning when I weighed myself, I had lost three pounds of my baby fat!

If only I could be on Tina for a week without getting addicted and pulling on my cock all night because I couldn’t sleep, and could fuck a dozen furry butts like a stallion without resorting to a penis pump between thrusts.

Hell, Jennie Craig would be out of business!

Tomorrow: My Fifteen Minutes of Fame (Actually Fifty Seven) In Porn

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