How NOT To Hit A Guy You Really Really Want Up On The Web

He’s there in your tracking profiles or recent visitors box or just came on line. And you and he are at least theoretically available and mutually accessible. Most of all, you’re dead serious about the fuck and fucking – no bullshit, no gameplaying, no getting hot and bothered so you can jerk off after watching reruns of “Hawaii Five-0.”

You want the Real Thing.

What should you NOT do next when you reach out to him with unsolicited web hit?

  • Use a grope, wink, fart, or other boring canned response which basically says, “I don’t have enough confidence in myself to tell you I want you, even if you tell me to go fuck myself,”  instead of telling him he’s hot and let the chips fall where they may.
  • Don’t have your privates already open (you can always close them later if the guy’s an asshole) but demand in your profile that his privates be open before he responds to you.
  • Ask “what are ya into?” when his profile goes into extreme erotic detail exactly what he’s into, including the length of the bathroom plunger he’d like you to use up his ass.
  • Have virtually no info  (Height: “Ask Me,” Weight: “Ask Me,” Position: “Ask Me,” Cock Size: “Ask Me”) on your profile, or worse, no pics at all. You guys ain’t getting together for canasta.
  • Fish around for free drugs. Even if the guy’s a meth head like you, you think he wants to share just because you’re flashing your lovely butt?
  • Go on with twenty questions about absolutely irrelevant shit, like, “Oh, how’s the weather in Omaha?” instead of zeroing on when and where you guys are gonna do the nasty.

Sure, just because you’re forthcoming doesn’t mean he’s gonna bite. But, like I’ve said many times before, in this life you gotta have the ego of an elastic band. Better to have been direct and be rejected (boo-hoo!) than be a namby-pamby and forever wonder, if you hadn’t been, whether he’d be lying next to you right now.

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