Get Ur &&;LA DY ##hOT 2niTE With a {tOOL th at de LIVERES…

I get at least half a dozen of these not so cryptic spam e-mails on my very str8 and regular aol account, ever since I first ordered generic Viagra on line years ago from some Canadian pharmacy. Just about all of them end up in my trash bin, which is still one pain the ass every time I open my mail. Nor does that eliminate the 7 to 8 calls a week I get on my phone from these very same pharmacies – you know it’s them when you pick up and there’s a long delay, and suddenly an Asian voice comes on abruptly with a “Is Rra-mon dere?” Now when I need the magic blue pill for my recreational activities, I hit – some of the best prices in town and reliable, in terms of getting the Real McCoy, and getting it at all.

But back to my cluttered mail box. It seems I’m not alone when it comes to being the darling of all these “Get ‘Em Up, Partner!” pill mills. According to Bloomberg Business Week, three out of four e-mail messages today are spam. Of course, a lot are scammers, promising me some obscure seven figure lottery winning though I never gamble if only I electronically send in a $500 “processing” fee; or evil thirteen year olds who want to infect my hard drive when they should be delivering papers – or fucking their twelve year old girlfriend. But many of these spammers are legit businesses hustling product – like my pill mills.

And get this: more than half of all the spam purchases made in the U.S. are for – you got it – generic Viagra or Cialis or Levitra, whatever magic puts the lead back in your pencil.

The generic V has always worked pretty well for me though I have a bad habit of OD’ing on the shit, i.e., taking 100 mgs. instead of the recommended dose of 50 mg. if I know I have a date coming up with a lot of, shall we say, rectal pounding anticipated; or if I’m visiting my local sex club to keep me Johnny-on-the Spot for some sudden groping suitor, which is especially hard (no pun here) when a three hundred pound dwarf in pink underwear just leered at me lasciviously 17 seconds before. Not good for the libido, not good.

In one of those highly unscientific polls conducted on a favorite daddy hook-up site of mine, which again skews towards the perfect demographic for Erectile Dysfunction sufferers, 75% of respondents had said they had used Big V or Big C or wanted to.

BTW, have you noticed how the men in the TV ads are getting younger and younger – either the Chinese (it used to be the Russians) are putting something in our water, or before you know it Pfizer will be marketing its stuff to prepubescents.

Now, my Erection Merchants don’t know I’m a gay boy, but since stats prove gay men on average have a hell of a lot more sex than the hetereo male, imagine if they knew I liked dick.

Shit – I’d be getting ten times more spam!

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