The New Gay Lexicon

bear: when did humpy and hairy morph into baby whale?

belt loop boys: lovers who prance around in the bars, one trailing behind and clutching one of the levi belt loops of the other to make it very clear to everyone they’re together though a threesome is never ruled out.

bi: sure, and my mother’s name is Henry.

Chicago Scene: used to be my kind of town, but there’s still Steamworks, that temple dedicated to dick.

cocktease: the “you show me yours, I’ll show you mine” boys, but God forbid you twist their left nipple.

cybersex: addictive

cyber-spikes: virtual ego lifts from total strangers who act like you’re both in the room, naked and ready.

dickter meter: rating guys on a scale of 1 to 10 purely on what Mother Nature (with occasional help from the gym or the local plastic surgeon) gave ‘em.

extremo: whether he’s a drag or a super leather man, he’s the flashy gay boy the media loves and the public thinks represents all of us.

flashback or echo effect: you took a Viagra, had some afternoon delights, and Mister Pete is all tucked in and sleepy between your legs when, hours later, or that night, Pete’s suddenly raging and twitching all over again – a Viagra flashback – and wants some more NOW to a point you have to jo just to get to sleep. Dicks are selfish beasts ain’t they?

flicker: a gay urban man who’s seemingly got it all but just isn’t quite happy where he’s at, and thinks by moving to some other gay urban hotbed, his life would be so much better.

fringee: see extremo

fuck buddy: an oasis in the Sahara of mindfuckers, closet cases and partners who think sex is a past tense verb.

game players: social cripples.

gay: as natural as blue eyes and brown hair.

gay ghetto: where straight society wants us to stay.

gay liberation: a movement of the late 60’s which failed as much as it succeeded. The end of the gay mystic.

GPS ‘em: as in Grind’r where you can use your smart phone to pinpoint a hottie you’re chasing after down to the toilet seat he’s sitting on. O.K., but do you know if he’s interested in you?

heterosexists: gay men, often closeted but who may still be actively pursuing the hunt, who otherwise abhor gay life, the gay lifestyle, and most gay guys. It’s not just that they don’t agree with it – they think it’s morally wrong.

homos: guys who just wanna have fun – with other guys.

I/S Meter: how our fragile egos fluctuate from Inferiority to Superiority and back again at a moment’s notice, largely in response to how we perceive people reacting to us.

Kodak moment: when it’s more than sex, even if it lasts only 17 uncivilized minutes and you never see him again; loving in the fast lane.

leather: becoming more of a fashion statement than a life statement.

limbo: you’re north of 40 and like guys your age range but while you look terrif because you take care of yourself, most of your peers look like train wrecks. So who’s left to get?

making a scene: having your 15 minutes of fame in a sex club or bath house.

mapquest: without it or GPS, rendezvousing with suburban or rural web dates could be difficult.

married marrieds: closet cases with wives and kids.

metrosexuals: who you kiddin’, closet case? Another example of myopic urban effetism. Reminds me of the time I was supposed to see a fuckbuddy who lived in Manhattan; I lived on Staten Island and could see downtown Manhattan from my window. When I told him I wouldn’t be in town because they were predicting a blizzard, he responded, “In Manhattan, too?”

mindfuckers: a gay man who comes on to another, leads him into believing he’s interested in copulating, then, at the last moment, drops out of sight like he was abducted by aliens. Most prevalent on sex websites where cyberspace provides the perfect cover.

Montreal Scene: land of the uncut.

New Orleans Scene: decadent in the worse senses of the word.

San Francisco Scene: resting on its past laurels.

Seattle Scene: seedy.

second hand sex: getting off watching other people have fun.

silent majority: the millions of gays who live quiet, unassuming, unflamboyant, even boring lives and whom the mainstream public never sees.

straight: hey without them, we wouldn’t have gay folk.

straight-gay: the invisible gay man.

techno: the mostly, though not exclusively younger gay too hung up on all the gadgets to see a dick in front of his face.

The Gay Gap: segregation from without – and within.

The Gym: getting in shape for that next hot guy – or pretending you are.

The “Life:” getting the most of out of being gay whatever that is for you.

The “Scene:” The “Life” on steroids.

tinkerbells: gay men who at 45 have nothing to show for their lives (like professional or material success) but who still think they’re 25 and that the party will never end; the gay equivalent of Peter Pans, straight guys, pot-bellied, hen-pecked and haggard, who fantasize they’re still high school jocks.

Wilton Manors Scene: Lauderdale’s gay ghetto; wild but somewhat over-rated.

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