My bud Bill, who waited til his sixties to divorce his wife and mother of his two grown kids after 40 years of marriage and lead “The Life” down here in Fort Lauderdale, is now tired of sowing his oats and wants to settle down with one guy. I hate to tell him he waited too long and should have left the str8 world twenty years before when not only was he younger, but also when things in gay life devoid of the web were a lot different.
While there may be young guys who truly want an older man sexually and emotionally, not necessarily financially, and older guys who are seeking guys their same age, I think these factions are outliers. Instead, from my experience, the over 50 gay crowd can be broken up into a few groups, none of them very enticing;
There’s the 50 and over guys who may or may not have had an LTR in the past, maybe got burnt by one of them, may or may not be still interested in sex, or get their jollies from the web or porn, and are quite content to lead a solo life
There’s the 50+ men who have partners with whom they may or may not continue to have sex with, together or separately, and who, at most, are looking for a reliable fuck buddy, not a lover.
There are the 50+ guys who are looking for an LTR or say they are who have nothing to bring to the table. Simply put, they’re train wrecks; they may have been pretty once, but now they’re out of shape, sick, alcoholic, drugged-up, with no real job, no money, nothing. So they say they love you – love without responsibility is bullshit. Hey, after not giving a damn the last 30 years, wouldn’t you want to hook-up with somebody who did and live off his dime?
And then there are the fifty plus guys who still look good because they take care of themselves, have their shit together , are stable and reliable, who are either panting after the 25 year olds who want a daddy in bed, or are waiting for a fifty plus guy who’s a 10.5 even if they’re an 8.
OK, so what’s my advice to you men pushing the Big 5-0? If you’re honest, really honest with yourself, about wanting a partner, DON’T FUCKEN WAIT til no one is interested in you anymore or you have to question whether their motives are genuine or money-driven.
A couple of weeks ago, I ran into the webmaster of one of the popular hook-up sites in our local western bar. I casually asked him how his love life was going and his response was simple but all-telling: “Oh, I’ve got a few 8’s hanging out there but I’m still waiting for that 10.”
Now this guy, who’s in his mid 40’s, isn’t bad looking, lost a few pounds, and started going to the gym, but at most I’d classify him a 7.
Know what I said to him before I went for another Bud Lite?
“Don’t wait too long.”
He and so many other guys remind me of, of all people, my Aunt Ann on my father’s side who, though no beauty, had plenty of moneyed suitors when she was young, none of whom satisfied her. This guy was too old, this guy was going bald, this other one wanted her to move, another one only owned a hardware store, etc., etc., etc. Then in her early 40’s in an era when an unmarried woman over 25 was considered a spinster, Aunt Ann, apparently in desperation, married a full class loser, five years her junior, a divorced guy when divorce was still taboo, with two grown kids, who worked in a local factory, listened incessantly on his transistor radio to the New York Yankee games, and smoked three packs a day. My last vision of Uncle Sam was him sitting in the corner of their living room, sucking oxygen through a tube.
So remember, if you’ve found somebody that you click with, even if he doesn’t have blue eyes and a seven and three quarter inch dick, don’t throw him under the bus because you’re waiting for Mr. Perfect. No Mr. Perfect is perfect.
Hell, even the #14 fuck of my gay life, Billy* is starting to lose his hair.
* See my blog posted 7/8/12, “The Two Most Sensual Hours in My Gay Life With the Hottest Guy I’ve Ever Known.”