Beefcake TV: Up And Down Like a Viagra Hard-on

Is it just horny me, or have you noticed how the networks are stepping up the beefcake department, which sold the afternoon soaps, on their primetime shows? After eons of glorifying the female form, the TV execs have finally gotten the message that prime time hot male flesh sells too. And not just with all those reality shows either. Hey, Alex O’Loughlin of Hawaii-5-0, who I consider the handsomest man on TV right now, was in a fight sequence once, that glorious near naked male body of his there for all to see; nice-on-the eyes, rugged Donnie Wahlberg of “Blue Bloods” last season showed what a tight fucken bod he’s got when he answered room service at a hotel he and his wifey were staying at, clad only in a towel; and the Last Hunk in “The Bachelor,” who was as naked as TV would allow, has made being shirtless a career in subsequent appearances in other shows.   And don’t even get me started about “Arrow” lead, Stephen Amell, who makes watching him work-out close to a sexual experience.

So, did you ever think TV would get into soft male porn? What the fuck is this world coming to? Shit, next thing you know, guys will be getting married!

Yet lately, some shows have been using beefcake as a cocktease for their female audiences and us gay boys. Like “Golden Boy” which in its promos showed tight-bod lead stunner Theo James shirtless, yet in the shows since has barely revealed two inches of skin. Or the new dating saga, “Looking for Love” which got us semi-hard in its pre-cum peeks, ogling over the near bare bodies of the trio of bachelors that their groupie-like, fawning female harem would be vying for. Yet in this week’s premiere episode, while, granted, all three guys are hunks, the producers chose to kick-off the series with the least attractive of the trio, the rocker, Tim Lopez, who not once in the two hour opener ever even took his shirt off! In fact, most of the show focused on the girls demeaning themselves just to get a sexy smile out of him. I think if he smeared his shit over their cosmetic-caked faces, they’d echo the kid in “Oliver:” “More sir, please sir!”

Besides what I don’t get is why these Ultra Pretty People, male and female, have got a problem finding somebody. Are they too busy with their Careers (like Pretty Boy Hunk said on the initial show, “You can’t take your profession to bed.”) Are they playing too hard to get, intimidate the hell out of people, or they are waiting for Mr. or Miss Perfect?

Or more likely, the whole thing is a joke on us – after all, the girls are getting paid, I’m sure, to put their self-esteem in the sewer, and the guys are getting paid to deal with all their bullshit while they play exhibitionist for the camera.  Or maybe they look on this national exposure as their way of breaking into show biz.

But if they can’t find ‘em (hell, any one of the boys could walk in a bar and say “you” and either the gal or the guy would come running as if on an invisible leash), if they can’t find love, what hope do the rest of us mere mortals have?

Seeing a couple who resembled Mr. and Mrs. Pillsbury Doughboy walk down the street the other day fondly hand-in-hand, I’m beginning to wonder if the so-called “uglies” in our society are actually the happy ones.

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