What’s the Size of YOUR Cock?

OK, enough of Supreme Court decisions, the Zimmerman mess, the price of gas, or the Snowden leaks. I wanna talk about something REAL important here – the size of our cocks. Have you ever measured your dick when it’s nice and happy? If you haven’t, you should not only turn in your homo permit, but your man’s license. Every guy is obsessed with his cock, whether he admits or not.

Well, those illustrious experts who apparently have nothing better to do with all that federal grant money have come out with ANOTHER study that only confirms what  previous studies came up with: that the average size cock, when erect, is 5.6 inches. (For my curious fans, I’m almost 7 cut.) The smallest dick reported was an inch and a half (hell, my mutt Pete has a bigger one and he’s only a foot and half high!) to a whopping 10.8 inches (shit – who needs a colonoscopy?) But the study also concluded, when it comes to fuckin’, women (and I guess guys, too) prefer girth over length.

We all know cocks come in a variety of shapes and sizes and you can never really tell what kind of cock a particular guy’s got just by looking at him. (So much for the big nose, big feet theories). You know how many 6’6” guys I fucked who have a thimble between their legs?

So what’s the perfect cock – not just any cock – but the perfect cock, you ask?

Well, it all depends on who you’re talking to. If you happen to prefer or just like oral sex, you wanna a cock you can handle, a nice size, let’s say six and half to eight, maybe, a nice girth, but not too thick, something you can enjoy and savor like fine wine without throwing up your veal parmesan dinner.

O.K., so what’s my perfect cock? Cut, six and half to seven or eight, nice mushroom head and a nice thick shaft to grab onto. But hey, your personal best may be different, and nibbling on some droopy foreskin sure can be fun too. All while he’s getting hot and hard just for you.

But if you’re a bottom boy, power bottom, or just plain anal freak, you want your man hung, right? Don’t we all – even those who prefer oral – fantasize about that BIG dick? And for those of us who want it up the ass, the bigger the better, as long as you don’t end up tasting his foreskin on your tongue.

Anatomically, though, the prostate is only a few inches up to the side of a guy’s rectum. (Next time you’ve been fucking away and Mr. Peter is pooped, try sticking a few fingers up his butt hole and do a little massage dance – he’ll groan better than when you had your tool way up there.) So logic would dictate that an erect penis say five and a half to say seven or so inches should be more than adequate to drive a man crazy. Now, like I said I got nearly 7 and seem to more than satisfy my partners, judging by their grunts. Either that or they’re pulling that “When Harry Met Sally” restaurant scene on me (“I’ll have what she’s having.”)

So how come we’re so fascinated by, and obsessed with HUGE cocks? I know phallic symbols were a big deal in ancient cultures like Greece and Egypt. But is it modern society’s obsession over big things, big men, big buildings, big boobs that makes us stop and gawk at a big piece of manmeat? Does a big dick make a man more of a man? Is it just the sight of that alien-like telephone pole between a guy’s legs that mesmerizes us as if it weren’t connected to the guy at all but a foreign being there for us to worship?

I mean, do huge dicks give men real physiological pleasure? Or is it the psychological delight that that thing is inside them, dominating their being?

So what do you do if you’re below “average” and wanna be the Top Gun? Buy a penis pump, or check out Fort Troff, that online treasure trove of sex toys, and its penis extenders. Or fall for one of those penile enlargement centers. You know, the ones that either promise “more girth” so that your dick, if not longer, at least looks more like a battering ram; or say they can “add two inches to your dick in two weeks!”

(Contrast our pettiness with those guys coming back from Afghanistan and Iraq who not only lost their legs to some roadside bomb, but their genitals along with them. As one guy, str8 and married, who regretted he hadn’t stored up some spunk in a sperm bank before he was deployed, put it, “I wish I were dead.”)

But let’s get back to happier thoughts.

Frankly, from my experience, many of the guys I’ve had intimate relationships with who possess sausage beer can dicks can’t get hard enough or sustain an erection for penetration. But I can’t deny even I am blown away when I see a guy with a snake-leg, like the tall, simply beautiful black man who came into my room at Chicago’s Steamworks baths on my last visit and, without looking for reciprocation, knelt down and blew me. All I could say to him as he got up to leave, naked before me in all his majesty, was, “That cock of yours belongs in the Smithsonian.”

Or the tall, lanky, hairless kid from NYC who I connected with at Slammers, Lauderdale’s sex club, who had nine inches and low hangers. I was proud with myself that I could go down on him all the way. That is before he asked me to fuck him.

I just wish the first guy who I tried to have fuck me when I was a mere gay tyke wasn’t nine inches. We were both in our twenties, he was a Vietnam vet who had lost both his legs from the knees down in a mine field, and I was in love and ready to do anything for him. But the pain when he tried to enter me overcame my emotions, and I was turned off to bottoming from that point on. (Maybe that’s why I’m still alive.) Like I tell intimates, what I need is a nice starter dick to turn me into a versatile boy which is probably the best kind of gay guy you can be on the open meat market. My super-hot bunk buddy Billy who belongs on the cover of Men’s Fitness could have qualified. The one thing Nature cheated him on was the size of his dick but he’s always too high to get it up.

So, anybody out there willing to volunteer their starter dick for my first butthole training session? I got a nice furry one.

I may even consider paying the airfare.

 

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