Bullying Never Leaves You

According to a study just published in Psychological Science, those bullied in their teen years   never really get over their pain and humiliation and are far more likely to have emotional, behavioral, financial and health problems.

No shit. It took an army of shrinks to figure that out?

I was bullied in high school not because I was gay but because I was short, unathletic and nerdy (read smart). The experience made me an extreme introvert as I suffered in silence, suicidal thoughts often on my mind. But I rechanneled my frustrations into doing well in my studies which eventually led to professional success and an early retirement while most of the jokers who persecuted me are still sweeping floors for The Man. And while still an introvert at heart, being accepted my other men as I followed my sexual longings made me realize I was no “loser,” and gave me confidence even on the job.

So, decades later, a graduate of the School of Hard Knocks, I’m still short and nerdy – read smart and financial comfortable – and have a body Rentboy clients paid for and hotoldermale.com and the international All-Bear magazine immortalized in porn at an age when most guys can’t even see their toes. Plus, a perpetually boyish face, even between Botox touch-ups, that my very, very str8, dyed-in-the-wool Catholic CEO called “cute.”

Yet the psychological scars of my horrible high school years remain with me forty years later and I recognize my Napoleonic Complex may be closet paranoia, an over-compensation for very deep seated insecurities I have never outgrown. And the reason I never stop staring at myself in mirrors or car windows.

That’s why today, I empathize with those victims, who having taken all the shit they can, lash out in violent behavior against the “in-crowd.”

Hell, if I had the balls, I’d pull a “Carrie” at my next high school reunion.


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