“You’re My First …”

The next time you encounter a guy who uses this line on you – OK, he collected Star Wars memorabilia for the last twenty years til he saw the light – just remember that, according to a recent survey, – just in time for Christmas – one per cent of all women in the U.S. who have become pregnant said they did so as virgins.

Yes! I did not make this one up guys. The study, conducted by the British Medical Journal, was based on interviews with almost 8,000 girls and women 15 through 28 and excluded in-vitro and all that other petri dish and shoot-the-sperm-up-my hole shit. What it validated was the ultimate stark reality of the art of surveying: researchers must use care in interpreting self-reported behavior.

Not surprising, those that reported virgin non-dick knock-ups were more likely to come from homes where parents never or rarely talked about sex or birth control. You gotta watch those sex-crazed storks stalking our virginal maids. Or where the female signed “chasity “pledges (huh?) in which she vowed not to have sex until after marriage. Like they were gonna confess to their sadistic dad they were actually “bad” girls with Billy.

Hell, who wants a virgin anyway. I want my men seasoned and broken-in. Who wants to use a stick of dynamite to get into there? (Yes, pun intended.)

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