There will no such animal as an exclusively gay bar. Most straight bars will remain straight but most gay bars will be mixed or “blended” and we will return to the guessing game days when it was hard to know who was who. Most bars will have as many straight women as gay men that you’d swear you were in a straight bar.
Carpal tunnel syndrome will become the leading medical condition among young gays addicted to their smartphones and all those hook-up apps.
There will be an increase in brain tumors and tumors of the ear among gay boys for the same reasons as above. Earplugitis will spread quicker than the bubonic plague.
Social networking will have taken over the hook-up web sites to the point there will be a special category for those interested in exchanging favorite holiday recipes while in a sling.
With sports gear the new butch look among the young and leather dying a slow death, sporting good chains like Dicks and Sports Authority will begin hosting tables at the annual gay pride parades while the leather shops will be bought up, one by one, by a national pet grooming chain taking advantage of their proximity to pet-loving gay ghettos.
In fact, the whole leather scene will be relegated to a wing in the Smithsonian, and all those surplus or thrift store vests and chaps and harnesses will be shipped to Vietnam to make smart Prada purses for the Rodeo Drive elite.
The STD rate will drop dramatically as more and more guys get their kicks virtually off the web rather than in the flesh.
The hottest selling tech toy among gays will be “toy boy” holograms of hot guys, including some celeb look-alikes, that will allow you the closest thing to having sex with them for real. Streaming of porn and sales of porn icon Stryker dildos will take a nosedive. Rentboys will be skipping their meth for a few weeks to save enough dough to get a self-hologram made so they can rent themselves out virtually while they double-dip fucking for real.
There will be a shitload of aging gay “boys” who partied the last thirty years away and suddenly woke up to the fact that they can no longer get by on their looks and have shit who will be occupying park benches, cardboard boxes and disabled bathroom stalls to the point enterprising gay ghettos and stores like Homo Depot and Targees will begin installing pay-by-the-hour meters to take advantage of the situation. The stocks for International Paper, pretty stagnant up to now, will soar and the company will introduce a new insulated box, perfect for those below zero Midwest winters.
With gay marriage now legal everywhere, enterprising sex toy manufacturers will be promoting diamond studded cock-rings and his and his vibrators as wedding favors, while a shitload of lawyers capitalize on gay divorces. (They already are.)
As younger gays go retro-fem, RuPaul will create an online course on “Swishing It Up” for butch guys afraid they’ll soon be left out. You’ll even be able to follow it on your phone when you sneak into the gym and play butch.
Increasingly reclusive web addicts and jaded leather men bored with cucumbers up their ass will start looking at their pets kinda funny. Before long there will be dozens of videos on xtube.com when you search for “fucking a dog,” adding a completely new meaning to the phrase “doing it doggy-style.” Those chi-chi toy breeds so popular with gay guys will disappear in favor of big, unspayed male wolf-like mutts with big dongs and big balls.
Hey, ain’t kink always in fashion?