I’ve got three buddies right now, all solo and all searching for a long term relationship: my bud Bill, newly divorced and tired of sowing his oats; Ken who’s made a fortune in real estate despite the recession; and Mike, who serves as an IT consultant to major corps. All three are great catches – attractive, masculine, in-shape, educated, intelligent, articulate, personable, financially stable, but getting nowhere when it comes to finding an equally mature and stable guy – none of them are into under 40 guys – to share their lives with. Maybe the bars and hook-up sites are nowhere to connect for anything more than a quick fuck, and the more I play this scene the more I meet too many guys over 50 who have little to show for their lives than their crack pipe. But when Ken signed up for the gay division of match.com looking for a quality guy closer to his age – late 40’s, early 50’s – who did they match him up with but a 32 year old who’s daddy hunting. Huh?
Meanwhile, I’ve tricked with countless partners who stay with their other halves out of habit (I confess, like me) or are in awkward situations where the other guy is fucking around, drinking and drugging and living in his house. As the hairy, tight bodied, handsome hottie who works as a manager at one of the gay campgrounds here in Florida and who confessed he was freshly burnt off a long term “marriage,” his third, put it, “No more husbands for me.”
Is it the true nature of the gay beast to be a Run-around Sam despite protests to the contrary? Are some of us waiting too long, and the longer we wait the higher our standards? Do some of us fall for the made for Logo TV movie with the two guys starry-eyed, strolling down the moonlit beach, hand in hand? And when we do take the plunge and suffer an emotional roller coaster, do we grow callous and cynical – or still cling to the hope Mr. Everything is right around the corner?
We all know and have met guys who are truly happy with one another and don’t need the gropes of some drunken barfly to make them feel they are still wanted, still desired.
What’s their secret?
Or maybe it’s confidence and trust in themselves and the guy they love. Long after the abs go and the hair falls out and Mr. Peter has hung up his jockstrap.