Friends, Vacation and Fucking

It was classic. Three of us who knew one another from the gay gym were at Haulover, the nude beach just outside Miami, in from Lauderdale for the day. There we were, one with nature, three kinda hot guys (on the Dickter Scale of 1 to 10, I’d classify us as 7.5’s), our pretty dicks just laying out there in the sun. And getting looks. A few yards away were the four guys on vacation from some God forsaken town in Michigan. One was cute (a 7), another was hot (a 9.5), the third could be hot if he lost 50 pounds (a 6), and the fourth was a 4 and that’s being nice. Anyway, I’m walking back after taking a leak, my shorts in my hand, when the cute one with the faint goatee walking towards me gives me a wink and quips, “nice porn star look you got there, man.” (You see, I did having something on: my black demi-boots and cock ring.)

OK, later on he and the could-be-hot guy comes to our spot and begin admiring our trio of packages and making the usual read-between-the lines overtures. We could see the other two still on their blankets watching the negotiations intently. A practical queer, I just blurted it out, “So you and your friends wanna fuck around?” Goatee’s response was, shall we say, underwhelming. “Well, ah, we’ve got dinner plans and, ah, Roger wants to do some shopping in South Beach, and ah, we’re supposed to meet some other friends later on for drinks. Maybe we’ll see you guys tonight at the Ramrod.”

Now, they were renting a condo on Miami Beach 15 minutes away. We could have followed them over, and had a fuck/suck orgy for ninety uncivilized minutes that they could have told their grand children about (if they had any). No, instead, THEY HAD TO GO SHOPPING.

Another time, a cute bear from Denver e’d me on one of the sites, interested in connecting. I asked him when. No response. Two days later, when he reached out to me a second time, I asked one last time, “Do you wanna fuck?,” to which he replied, “You’re real hot, but today’s my last day and my friends have just been keeping me too busy.”

My reply: “Friends can get in the way of sex, can’t they?”

I don’t get it. Guys spend thousands of dollars to come to Lauderdale, littered with gay boys, and end up leaving with not one cum stain memory. Come on, you may lie to yourself that your vacation is all about sun and sand and bar hopping but, really, when you’re on vacation, isn’t it everyone’s secret quest to get laid?

Friends don’t let friends drive drunk. Well, friends don’t let friends not fuck while on vacation. As one smart tourist who I had just finished playing with put it to his friends when they called him on his cell about being late for dinner, “Fuck dinner, I’ve already had dessert.”

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