OK, What Next?

We still got a bit of the mountain to climb but it looks like in a few years – or less –true legal equality on all fronts will be ours. There will always be discrimination and hate and Pastor Phillipses– that you can never legislate away – but at least a gay couple will be able to marry in redneck Alabama and a boss won’t be able to fire you just because you like men in bed.

OK, then what? What next?

I mean, if there’s not much left for us to bitch about – except, of course, attempting to change individuals’ hardened attitudes one person at a time – what new horizon should we as gays look towards?

Well, how about we look inwardly on how we treat one another?

1. Do you give a genuine compliment without waiting to get one first?

2. If you’ve been blessed with the ideal gene pool – you’re 6’4, built like a brick shithouse and have the face the average woman in America would undergo a mastectomy to have between her legs – if you’ve been blessed with something you had absolutely nothing to do with, are you grateful for your luck? ‘Cause that’s all it is. Do you give us lesser folk a genuine welcoming smile, or do you look at us as if we had shit in our ears if we, God forbid, say hello? Or give that vacant “do I really need to talk to you?” stare. Just because he’s friendly doesn’t mean he wants your dick like the rest of the world. Remember, that 4’6” nerd who’s honest about himself and realistic about others may be happier with the memories of that one guy he slept with all last year than you are with your last ten tricks.

3. Also remember, the average height of an American male is 5’9” (I guess because of all that hot Italian and Slavic blood), so when one of these short, humpy guys is trying to get around your bubble butt in a dark bar, please look around and let him. Yes, Virginia, there is a world six inches beneath that beautiful mouth of yours.

4. Are you a 45 year old man who still prances around like you were 25?

5. If a guy who’s not drunk or high comes up to you to give you a compliment, do you at least politely in a non-committal way thank him even if he’s not your type, or do you give him your “you talkin’ to me” glare?

6. If you work in a gay business, are you truly interested in the needs of your customers, or are they instead an intrusion (read pain in the ass) when all you really want to do is rattle away on your smartphone?

7. If you’re a customer, do you treat the help like shit because, after all, only a “loser” faggot would be working at homo haunts for minimum wage?

8. Are you all botox and bullshit and gym reps and steroids and couldn’t carry on conversation without dropping the name of latest hot c eleb at least a dozen times?

9. In your phone app or website profile, instead of saying, “prefer over 35, masculine, in-shape” you use derogatory terms like “no fatties, fems or blacks.”

10. If you set a date up with someone and then can’t make it or simply change your mind (hey, nobody’s got a gun to your head to have sex) , do you, at least, call that person back and let them down easy rather than not call them at all while they’re waiting for you in front of some bar? Or if you set up a webdate, do you just not bother showing, or give out a phony address or phone number? Is your life that small that this the only way you have domination over people?

11. Do you turn on your tres gay button and camp it up in very public mainstream places like airport lounges so straights have another stereotypical reason to piss on us?

12. Are you honest about your HIV status, or don’t care because all you want to do is bareback?

13. Do you vow to be loyal and true and then screw around anyway when you should have been honest from the beginning and let the chips fall as they may?

14. Do you only focus on, and make fun of strangers’ and friends’ shortcomings instead of helping them or showing some kind of support?

Yep, we’ve come a long way baby. But we still have a long way to go.

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