What We Want in a Man (Body Wise, At Least)

What We Want in a Man (Body Wise, At Least)

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And it’s not what you think, if you believe the results of an admittedly highly unscientific poll taken by one of the web hook-up sites, which asked, “what part of a man are you most attracted to?”

Hey, we’re homos because we like dick, right? So it’s no surprise this crazy “size matters” sub-culture places almost religious significance on the male penis. Because of this, we wear cock rings, get pierced, buy fifty dollar underwear or bikinis or tight, tight jeans all to show off – or shall we say – enhance our crotch. Just so Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now finds us worthy.

But, sorry to disappoint you, guys, only a third of the guys who responded said it was a guy’s package that wowed them the most.

Then there’s a faction of us who view the gym as our house of worship or Nazi den of torture, depending on our mood. We work those abs to exhaustion to emulate those retouched washboard models that adorn the covers of Men’s Fitness; work those biceps and chest muscles and shoulder muscles and legs and gluts, all to look terrif on the beach or shirtless at our favorite guy bar. Some of us even go a step beyond, spending hundreds if not thousands of dollars on testosterone therapy, steroids (legal and otherwise), and muscle supplements to max our efforts with those resistance machines and free weights. But, according to our poll, abs and arms each got a piddley 10% of the vote. Chests did a bit better at 30%, asses, yes, asses that supposedly women so adore in their men, less so at 20%.

Now, I’m a basic butch guy when it comes to dressing up. A twenty year old Tee and $20 pair of levis I got on sale at Kmart suit me fine. But I know there’s that group of us who go broke running up our Visa cards on clothes, those $50 polos and $250 jeans, all of which end up on the bedroom floor. Then there are those fancy haircuts we agonize over. (I give myself a buzz for the price of the electricity.) But only 2% of our respondents gave a shit what a guy wears and 4% how he was coiffed.

I know. At this point you’re asking: O.K., so what the fuck’s left? Well, an overwhelming 60% of the guys who answered said it was a guy’s face that got their dicks stirring.

So what should we learn from this?

Goodbye L.A. Fitness, fuck you Gold’s Gym, see ya International Male, and hello Cosmetic Surgery Center of South Florida!

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