Introducing My New Advice Column: “Go Ask Daddy”
Okay, I admit it. I’m an advice column junkie. I read “Dear Abby” religiously for years, and continue to eat up the advice columns in my local str8 paper and local gay rags. And while I’m sometimes enlightened, often times I’m shaking my head. Like the fellow college profs I associated with while I was teaching who never worked in the cut throat business world like I had, I often wonder if the persons writing this bullshit ever got fucked. Literally and figuratively.
Hey, I’m a gay lifer, have experienced the high highs and the low lows of this lifestyle, had my share of seven minute romances, two week affairs and decades-long relationships, platonic and otherwise, and have had enough buddies cry on my shoulders about their love lives to fill an ocean. No, I ain’t a sociologist or psychologist, but I am a people reader. A damn good one. So what better guy to bring your relationship woes to for at least a second opinion than your Daddy?
I’ll kick off “Go Ask Daddy” with an issue a current gym buddy and former fuck buddy recently came to me with. See what you think …
Buddy: After being solo for years, I’ve found a guy who’s on my wave length emotionally, sexually, the whole package. One problem: he’s still with his current partner of fifteen years but tells me they’re breaking up, though he also says they’re giving counseling one last shot. Should I hang in there or move on?
Daddy: Current partners can mess up the love waters, can’t they? Remember, what counts is what guys do, not what they tell you they’re gonna do. If you feel this guy is “The One,” tread cautiously but don’t start searching for those matching diamond studded cockrings just yet.
It’s up to you, NOT HIM, whether you want to continue fucking him, which can be fun, or whether that will only put you on some emotional roller coaster ride. If you haven’t been there yet, let me tell you, it ain’t pretty. So if a fuck ain’t worth the potential heartbreak, quietly distance yourself and wait to see what happens. Who knows, they may have been talking break-up for the last ten years and you’re just the latest in a line of jilted hopefuls. Guys together for more than a few years frequently have a lot of shared experiences (health issues, family dying, pets) and excess baggage (shared real estate, drug rehab relapses) that may actually get in the way of them ever really breaking up.
And how well do you know your beau? Maybe the other guy has been trying to wean him off a drug or alcohol habit and your beau wants to continue his merry ways. Or the other guy may be your beau’s “Sugar Daddy.” When to comes to a choice between love and money, money usually wins.
So tell your beau you’ll be happy to stay in touch but (a) you’re not going to be the sounding board for every little twist and turn in his current relationship angst, and (b) when he’s really ready to consider you in a serious way, well, that’s why God created smartphones.
Just remember, once a guy is out of a long term link-up, he frequently wants to go back on the market and sow his proverbial oats for the fifteenth time, not instantly get locked into another “marriage.” Maybe he’ll wake up and realize what you mean to him, or maybe not.
In the meantime, don’t pine like some prom girl and wait for that fateful text. Indiscriminate sex is good for the soul, and, who knows, you just might run into somebody who’s as free as a bird as you are, and like you is tired of all that excess data usage bills for those cockteasing apps.
Got a question for “Go Ask Daddy?” Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.