Another Installment of My Gay Advice Column: “Go Ask Daddy”
Buddy: I came out when I was 19 while in college and almost ten years later all I have to show for it is a string of fair-weather friends and two week romances. I feel all alone and I hate my life, even if I have a good professional job making good money, and hate being gay. What can I do to get out of this slump?
Daddy: You are what you are. Gay is in the genes, so self-hatred is bullshit. If you don’t want to act on your impulses, that’s fine. But there’s a hell of a lot worse stuff that could happen to your DNA, so get over it and move on. Consider yourself a member of some secret society even if at times you feel it’s a society of one.
Don’t live your life through other people like celebs who so many airheads in America put on this lofty pedestal. (Who really gives a fuck if so and so is getting laid?) Live your life for you and appreciate whatever you’ve got.
Don’t fall for the gay pop propaganda machine. Come on, now, is the cover guy from GQ the only thing that will turn you on? His chiseled body is probably because he has a meth habit, not a gym one. There are so many other guys out there for real if you just let it happen.
By the same token, don’t measure or compare yourself against these shallow stereotypes of this overblown sub-culture of ours. If greater society glorifies physical perfection, hell, we gays have made it a god. Many of these so-called beauties are shitheads when it comes to interacting with people or being successful at anything more than loving themselves. And I’ve seen more average looking guys make it than the pretty ones because they know who there are – good and bad – and aren’t waiting for someone to tell them they’re pretty.
So, search in yourself what you find good and appealing – to you, not HIM. You say you’ve good a good job. Hey, that means a lot in this shitty economy. Use that as a something you can, yes, even gloat over all your fair weather friends who work at Walmart. Once you’re confident and comfortable with yourself, the rest comes easy.
Don’t follow the herd. I think a lot of guys – young and old – think they have to adopt the stereotypical look and mannerisms and lifestyle of what society equates as being gay (including the super butch, buzzed look) to be accepted or popular or sexy if, by this sub-culture’s standards, they have nothing else to offer. Again be yourself – whatever the fuck that is for you.
And don’t envy all those coteries of knock-out guys you see in the bars or on the beach with so-called dozens of friends. Most are surface, drive-by relationships, acquaintances, or fleeting fuck buddies, if that. Stats prove most of us have, maybe, two or three people we can rely on. And if there’s no one, so be it. My greatest personal comfort is self-reliance.
In the end, what is to be gay any way? We’re men who are attracted to men, whatever the type: young, old, butch, fem, bald, hippy, tall, short, hairy, smooth, chubby, jocky, geeky, slow, smart. Enjoy whatever it is in a man – your type of man – that turns you on and gets you off. But just remember, sexologists say most sexual encounters only last 17 minutes anyway. What about the other 42,031,000 minutes of your life?
Ain’t you got better things to do?
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