Another Installment of My Gay Advice Column, “Go Ask Daddy”

Buddy: I’m a total top, always was, always will be. But I’m constantly hit on by other tops – some real hot fuckers – who keep trying to convince me I’d love bottoming. Now, I tried a dick up my hole when I was young, even played with dildos to see what it was like. Zilch, nothing. I tell these guys there’s still a lot two tops can do and on a rare occasion I convince them. But 9 out of 10 wanna hole and that’s that. So, next time a top tells me it’s my civic duty to let him fuck me, what should I tell him?

Daddy: It’s simple. Ask him: “Do you get fucked?” If he answers “yes,” or “sometimes,’ he’s a closet bottom. If he gets indignant, or doesn’t answer, just tell him, “Then don’t ask me again.”

Remember, there’s still plenty of masculine bottoms who’d love your man tool in the right place.