Tattoo Mania

Tattoo Mania

Here I am spouting old school again. Back in the day, a guy sporting more than one tattoo was either fresh out of the Navy or fresh out of Leavenworth. Today, guys – and gals – are sporting so many of them, sprawling over vast acreages, you’d think they were planning to submit their bodies not to science when they die but to the Museum of Modern Art.

What’s behind the rage? To show you’re hip? Stand out above the crowd of tattoo-less wimps? Look anti-establishment? Look super-butch (and that goes for the girls too)? Or just bring more attention to those bulging biceps or heaving pecs they adorn?

First, so many guys are sporting tattoos nowadays you’re cancelling one another out. I mean, where’s being different anymore?

Second, some guys go too far and what’s supposed to be sexy ends up looking grotesque.

(I also read somewhere you ironically can lose muscle tone in the affected area, but maybe that’s just an old wives tale.)

Or maybe I’m saying all this because I’m jealous. I’m so hairy, it wouldn’t matter whether I had tats or not. Nobody would be able to see them under the Swahili bush that sprouts all over my body.

The most extreme example of art-gone-obsession was the guy I spotted on the gay strip at Haulover, the nude beach outside Miami, who wore tats from the top of his shaved head to the bottom of his toes. Yes, including his dick. I guess getting your tool tatted, which has to be painful, proves you’re a real man. And just to make sure he got noticed, he was adorned with a few external accessories like a PA and nip rings. Yikes! Talk about cock, ball and tit torture.

The tight assed conservative business world is usually not keen on tats being visible in the office, though as there’s more staff turn-over and younger – and tatted – bosses take over, that may change. But let’s hope that for guys who have tattoos on their necks, faces, etc., and one day realize that after they lose their job in the gay ghetto, excessive tattoos are no-nos out there in Str8land, there’ll be an In-home tattoo remover to make them disappear as easy as last night’s trick – after you’ve given him car fare.

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