“I want to have love once in my life.”
So sighed a buddy of mine in his sixties at dinner the other night. He had had a few budding romances over the years but none of them clicked. Either they found someone “better” or, in the end, just didn’t want to commit.
I’m sure many guys, and girls for that matter, str8 and gay, share what l’d call the Marty Complex. Marty was the name of a character in an early teleplay and later a film that won its lead, Ernest Borgnine, an Oscar. It’s about a very ordinary kind of guy, a butcher, and his quest for true love which he thinks will never be his.
Hey, l myself feel that way. I’ve been in a relationship more of convenience than love for decades and still fantasize that He will suddenly come along and make me feel twenty five all over again.
But why do many of us never find Him or feel we’ve settled just so not to be alone?
Are we looking in the wrong places?
Are we waiting for perfection?
Are we waiting for something that doesn’t exist?
Are we unwilling to overlook a guy’s shortcomings or recognize our own?
Do we demand too much? Or not enough?
Do we live in some kind of romantic novel mentality and can’t recognize day-to-day living with another guy isn’t always a Made for Logo movie?
Do we think a relationship is all about great sex and fun times?
Are we unaware of our strengths and only morose over our shortcomings? Or do we think no one is quite good enough?
Do we set ourselves up for failure by always falling for a guy who’s transparent, irresponsible, shallow or hooked, thinking we can change him? Or are we that guy?
Are we willing to compromise some of the time or do we compromise too much?
Do we mistake lust for love?
If the sex isn’t perfect every time, do we feel it just ain’t gonna work?
Are we control freaks? Or not assertive enough?
Do we try to understand and meet his needs, or are we only concerned about wanting him to meet ours?
Do we fantasize about having an LTR but in reality would actually prefer being alone?
In the end, is the world always shitting on us or are we the problem?
And even if we are the handsomest, most personable, most understanding and most loving guy in the world, most times we know deep down meeting Mr. Right is still a roll of the dice.