Leather Fashion Faux Pas

Leather Fashion Faux Pas

Again, forgive me, but I’m Leather Old School.

Back in the seventies, eighties and nineties, the height of the Leather Life in cities like San Francisco, New York, Chicago and L.A., your basic attire on a Saturday night was boots, jeans, vest or harness. High couture leather boys wore chaps, with or without those nice furry butt cheeks just hanging there for fondling, and the Truly Ballsy who had bodies by Tom of Finland would prance around in a leather jock, boots, a cool cigar, and not much else.

Hell, in those dens of leather paradise like the Lure in New York’s West Village, it didn’t matter what you looked like – if you weren’t wearing boots they wouldn’t let you in. (Though if you looked like Tom Seleck in his youth, they’d trade your Nike sneakers for a pair of nicely scuffed loaner boots.)

Ah, but those days are fast fading as more and more of the original Leather generation hang up their jock straps. Sure, you’ll still see some incredibly beautiful hunks of manhood straight out of those glory days, flaunting their masculinity with the perfect leather look. But since bars are businesses, out to sell all that overpriced liquor, and the ranks of us leather guys are dwindling, rigid dress codes have gone the way of Bruce Jenner’s gym bag. The results are almost mind boggling.

Take the guys, mostly flat chested, hairless and young, who think they look hot in their latest bulldog leather harnesses, Bermuda shorts and floppies. Holy Shit! If you showed up at the door of the Lure dressed like that, they’d hogtie you and publicly castrate you right there on the sidewalk. Even wearing leather and jeans with sneakers – sneakers?! – is still a fashion faux pas for this leather veteran.

Ah, but the guys who drive me the craziest are the ones who apparently have their homes equipped with funhouse mirrors. You know the ones – young and old – who wear their harnesses as brassieres, or worse the guys with ass cheeks the size of melons prancing around like peacocks in jockstraps or those singlets with the cheek cut-outs. Shit, some of their butts are so wide you could project one of those Super Wide 3D movies on them.

You think maybe these guys were hired by the Religious Right as part of the Conservatives’ aversion therapy agenda?

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