Forever Young: 1

Forever Young: 1

What better way to start a new year which brings us one year closer to the grave (happy guy, ain’t I?),  then talking about delusional approaches for staying young, right?

Even if it doesn’t function as we’d like it to do all of the time (that’s why God created Pfizer and Viagra), about the only part of our anatomy that seems ageless is our dick. Come on, admit it. Isn’t as pretty as it was when you had your first erection?

Ah, but we wish we could say the same for the rest of our body. Right now, with arthritis hitting me everywhere, I’d like to go for a total skeletal transplant. I get shots for my knees (did you know than 90% of all knee replacements are the result of obesity? – my bum knees  are a bad roll of the gene dice), epidural steroid shots for my crumbling spine, and have even gone for ablation where they kill the nerves causing back pain, and for the year or so until they regenerate, you’re almost pain free. Other than that, all the docs have in their magic bag is Ben Gay and dope.

What especially pisses me off is that’s the only fucken health issue I’ve got – no high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure or any of the other shit people get as they grow older. Hell, I’m even HIV negative despite all my sleeping around. (Hey, like I’ve told you before, I got a partner not interested in sex anymore. Well, I am, so …)

When a guy my age at the gym with similar spine issues was told that he could benefit from back surgery but that the fall-out was that he would no longer be able to have sex, you can guess what he chose.

Like my partner who loves to flatter me keeps saying, “It doesn’t matter how good you look on the outside, you’re still old on the inside.” Uplifting, ain’t he? Wonder why I’m such a cynic?

Or as a former colleague from my hospital days put it, “It’s not how many years you got left, it’s how many good years,” and I’m beginning to feel my expiration date is coming up.

In fact, my next work of erotic gay fiction will be about a guy, totally devastated about turning the Big 5-0, who, by pure chance, comes across the secret of eternal youth, only to find it comes with some unexpectedly and not necessarily positive results.

But despite the inevitable toll of time on our bodies, there are measures all of us can take to hang in there, and this week I plan to touch on a few of them: exercise, cosmetic surgery, and testosterone therapy.

Hey, if you’re gonna be a fraud – look younger than your momma says – at least be a good at it, right?

Wednesday: Exercise and Touch-ups

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