Another Installment of My Gay Advice Column, “Go Ask Daddy”
Buddy: I’m on a few of the gay hook-up sites but I say right up front I’m not looking for one night stands but a long term relationship. I’m an attractive intelligent young guy, but get few hits and those that do respond tell me I’m nuts to try to find romance on places like Manhunt. Am I wrong?
Daddy: It’s not that your intentions are wrong, but the way you’re going about it might be. Saying in your profile on a site where most men are looking for recreational sex that you’re searching for a lover is intimidating to even would-be suitors, not just guys who only want a little bedroom action, and puts your expectations in the stratosphere. You sound like some over-active broad who on the first date is talking where to hold the wedding reception.
Get real. Even when such encounters lead to LTR’s, the sex has to be there in the first place. How many connecting on these sites don’t have sex the same day or very soon thereafter? If they don’t, it ain’t gonna happen. Instead, loosen up and say that while your future goal is to find a soulmate, meeting guys for fun isn’t off the books either, a movie or dinner then the main event. Plus, it’s important especially in gay life to meet all sorts of men so you learn how to “read” people, and get to know – in your gut – who’s real and who’s bullshit and not be done in by your own naiveté. (Like a friend of mine who after forty years of str8 marriage, suddenly entered gay life and believed his meth head bf when he said he was off the junk.) Yes, you might get lucky and meet your dream man. But life is short – why not have some meaningful encounters with guys in the meantime?
As for gay “dating” sites, I only explored a couple, but sadly, as my str8 neighbor told me with her experiences with the hetero varieties, they often are cover stories for guys really only looking for a quick roll in the hay.