Is Pansexuality Just Easier In Our Times?
Pansexual (noun): not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.
Practically overnight, pansexuality has become all the rage, certainly among celebs who have more to gain and less to lose than the average Joe or Jill. Sure, pansexuals have been around for centuries, but today’s increasingly more tolerant social attitudes towards sexuality beyond heterosexuality, including homosexuality and transgenderism, have encouraged many pansexuals to come out of their own closets.
Now for most of my life, I led a pretty boring (okay strike the word boring) existence as a gay man socializing almost exclusively with other gay men. So it wasn’t until just a few years ago, now living here in Fort Lauderdale, that I encountered my first self-avowed pansexual.
He was a 28 year old accountant from Miami who wooed me on Manhunt, I say wooed me since my usual age range starts at 35 and most times I don’t even consider guys younger than most of my T-shirts. But Tim liked older, hairy guys, a rarity in laser happy, body beautiful South Beach, and he was cute yet mature at the same time, and proved fun in the bedroom. It was our conversation after we had done the nasty, however, that was both alien and enlightening to this seasoned player of The Life.
You see, Tim had been married and divorced but was comfortable in his pansexuality. He enjoyed sex with both men and women, had fucked around with lesbians hankering for an occasional penis, and was actually seeking out an opportunity to make it with a transgender, whether or not his or her original junk was still intact. (BTW, this is the primary difference between bi’s and pan’s: bi’s are interested in both sexes, pan’s will do it with any gender identity. These include transgenders, and the intersex, individuals born with the characteristics of both sexes which the say the 1920’s Scandinavian artist Einar Wegener of the film, “The Danish Girl,” and one of the first documented surgically transitioned cases in history, may have been. While undergoing his initial operation, surgeons found a pair of shriveled ovaries inside him.)
When I countered him that once you do it with a guy and you have the urges for dick and ass you never go back, he admitted that might be true but the man4man side of his sexuality was not an overwhelming factor. He enjoyed sex when he was with a woman, and enjoyed sex when he was with a man, and, in fact, sought out both sexes. Most astounding to me was his conviction that there was no need to take sides or choose a life. Nor did he think he would ever need to. For Tim, both worlds were his oyster. His straight friends were cool with that as were his gay ones, and after all, it’s a reality that “The Scene” is becoming a blended collage where so-called “gay” bars are being populated more and more by straight women and hetero couples.
Contrast this with guys like me who came out just post Gay Liberation where once you knew what you wanted, you chose, in fact were almost forced to choose one lifestyle or the other. Today, such rigid black and white choices are no longer a given.
So is such an outlook on sexuality a healthier one than the compartmentalized reality the vast majority of both str8’s and gay’s live?
I think the jury is still out on that one.