How Big Is Too Big?


How Big Is Too Big?

Have you seen some of these porn ads on the hook-up sites featuring guys with dicks the size of a colonoscopy hose? I mean, are these pics for real or do they win some prize as the Photo Shop Creation of the Year?

Hey, I’m a top, don’t get fucked (when some persistent top asks me why, my response is, “Do you?” and they shut up), though butt plugs of late have become, shall we say, a curiosity of mine in my old age. (I think a lot of tops in their youth become bottoms when Old Man Nature take a toll on their tool – and it just may be easier. Being a top is a lot of work.)

But, no doubt about it, I do and have always loved sucking a nice, well-proportioned thick dick. In fact, I won the Mid Atlantic Cocksucking Award in 1995 and know all the tricks of the tongue and mouth suction. (Some nights at Slammers, our local sex club, when I run into a string of guys who apparently have been dick-deprived and never learned how to suck a man’s cock, I get inspired to market some instructional video Slammers can run on a big screen above the glory holes.) And I pride myself in going down on some hefty specimens of manhood. But… but, anything past, say, nine inches, I’m sorry buddy, I start gagging. And when I stop enjoying and start gagging, and tears begin welling up my eyes, it’s time to move on. Particularly top boys (like you Latin guys with the big uncut dongs) who’d rather have a hole but settle for my mouth instead, the ones I like to call the thrusters, you know the guys who think your mouth is an anus. Deep throating is one thing; throwing up the veal parmesan sub you had for lunch is another. Not too pretty. On his dick or the floor.

But if you’re a bottom, how big is too big? I mean, the prostate is only about four or five inches up your manhole, so technically, anatomically, you don’t need a telephone pole to keep the guy happy. In fact, my slightly above average size cut cock seems to keep ‘em real happy. Otherwise, their bedroom moans are a replay of that scene from “Harry Meets Sally.” (“I’Il have what she’s having.” BTW, that was director Rob Reiner’s mother who uttered that immortal line.)

And let’s discount fistees for a moment, the guys who like it up to the elbow – and beyond – ‘cause they’re from a whole different universe. (Some days when my other half complains about being constipated and has been a real SOB, I tell him what he needs is a good fisting – up to the shoulder blade – to clean him out.) So are bottoms flyin’ high in the clouds on meth who wouldn’t be satisfied with a plunger up their ass.

So, let’s get down to the real nitty gritty. How big is too big for YOU?



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