This Summer, Stay the Fuck Home!
One of the gay rags here in Lauderdale recently ran a full page ad extolling very gay Tel Aviv as a summer destination: hot beaches, hot clubs, hot men. Well, unless you’re one of the airheads I meet down here who barely know who the President is, you know what happened just this week. (Terrorist attack = four dead.) So would you go to Israel now for a fuck? Israel, which is arguable the most security-conscious country in the world?
I’m glad l did my international traveling when l was young. Greece, Egypt, Peru, Guatemala (l’m something of an ancient archeological nut), Eastern Europe, Italy, England (where l spent a college semester abroad as a foreign exchange student), Paris, Russia, most of Central and Latin America, Australia. You get the picture. Then it was cheap, ( l took a charter flight vacation and saw every major city in Italy for six hundred bucks), security was a kiss on the wrist, and again youth was on my side. You can’t take an elevator up to the Parthenon.
Today security is almost a sexual experience. Coming back from PA after l dropped off my ex last month, l flew out of Newark where l was patted down by the TSA rep like some potential trick feeling me up in the Ramrod. He stuck his hand down my pants to the crack of my ass and down my crotch. Hell, l was almost getting a hard-on. Nice.
And he wasn’t even cute.
Those of you who’ve traveled lately, though, know it’s no fun. Long lines, long waits, delays.
But this summer my advice is stay the fuck home. First there’s the Zika virus running rampant throughout Latin America. Hell, they might even postpone or cancel the Summer Olympics in Rio which would a devastating economic blow to Brazil, already fucked up. And if that wasn’t enough, just think what a security nightmare the Olympics will be.
The State Department has warned Americans to avoid Europe this summer, the continent’s High Season for tourists, because of potential and probably inevitable terrorist attacks, and you might as well add Eastern Europe and the Middle East (see above) to the list.
So how should you spend your summer vacation? My advice is to start working on your bomb shelter. If Trump gets in and tells Russia or North Korea to go fuck themselves, you’re gonna need it.