Total Tops, Total Bottoms

I know, I know, I should talk. I’m a top who never gets fucked. But to my credit I also dig oral sex and have no problem draining a top’s tool dry or serving a bottom’s cock before I fuck the shit out of them.

But then you got those purists of the male gay animal, the total tops who only want to fuck, period, and total bottoms who only want to get fucked, period. Nothing else.

Time and time again, tops, humpy tops are looking at my profile on just about any of the half dozen or so hook-up sites I’m on, but while a few may give me a “You’re hot, man” shout-out, few, very few respond when I reach out to them with a “I know were both tops but I do have the East Coast Cocksucker Award if you want me to take care of you …” Very, very few.

Some will ask, “You bottom?” and when I reply, “Do you?” they get all indignant like I told them the truth about their button dick.

They’re what I label the myopic top who can see no further than a guy’s butthole. And they’re also the ones who I eventually block after they keep revisiting my profile endless times for only one reason. Don’t want the real me? Well, then, you ain’t getting the virtual me.

Then we’ve got the other end of the spectrum, the total insatiable bottom. They describe exactly what they want from you in their opening text: “My side door will be unlocked. I want you to walk in, and without saying a word, come into my bedroom where I’ll be laying on my bed ass up and I want you to stick your dick in my ass and fuck me til you breed me and then you can leave.”

No foreplay, no sucking dick, no playing with my tits which are hardwired to my dick, nothing to turn me on except your hole. And a lot of these insatiable bottoms, methed up to the rafters, could lie there all night getting screwed til your dick fell off and still want more.

In fact one only wanted to be fisted – just my fist, not my dick – til my hand went numb. OK, sure.

Kinda sad, ain’t it? I mean, I realize guys and gals do a lot of things in bed, the human animal being a creative creature, but nothing can beat the diversity between two men. Tits, pits, rimming, fisting, sucking, getting sucked, stroking, bondage, pumping, toys – oh, and did I mention fucking?

Total tops and total bottoms also speak to a greater problem in this wonderful sub-culture of ours – meism. All I care about is my pleasure, not yours.

So, to the myopic total tops, all I can say is, you’re passing up a lot of hot guys who would give you a ton of sexual satisfaction.

And to the insatiable total bottoms, my only advice is:

Get a broomstick.


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