Talking Dirty

Talking Dirty

Hey, I’m a visual guy when it comes to sex. A guy wanting the lights down low can actually be a deal breaker for me. But there’s another sense that is as equal a turn-on:”being verbal.” And in the mating dance of sex, that usually starts off with talking dirty.

Whether it’s on the web edging up some hottie half a country or half a world away, or in the flesh, up front and personal, dirty talk certainly adds some spice to an activity that might otherwise be relegated to video tape replay territory. After all, after you’ve played the scene awhile, dicks and asses, bods and even faces all begin to look kinda familiar like you’ve had him before. Even when you haven’t.

And being a writer who taught writing, and a graduate of the University of Southern California’s School of Theatre when I was young and naive enough to think I might become the second Dustin Hoffman, I have a couple of different 101 Porn Writing Class scripts I use depending on the type of guy I’m, shall we say, entertaining. I’m usually the one to initiate the edgy, filthy chatter, though sometimes I get a guy who’s not just pretty but bright enough to know how to play along and really get into it.

There’s the generic, one size fits all script: “so man, like that (big) (stiff) (big knobbed) (big cut) (big uncut) cock … (to which he usually nods and grunts affirmative since he’s got or should have your dick down his throat by now and can’t talk) …show me how much you like it, buddy … that’s it, man, you know how to keep that (big) (stiff) (big knobbed) (big cut) (big uncut) cock happy … yea, work it, man, work it with your tongue, get it nice and wet … yea, man, get those nuts in your mouth, swallow ‘em, that’s right, man, now you got it… ” And when you think that he’s ripe for some back door action, “So you want that dick, huh, man, ready for that (big) (stiff) (big knobbed) (big cut) (big uncut) dick nice and deep in that (sweet) (tight) (hairy) (handsome) (manly) butt hole of yours?”

Then there’s the truck stop buddy fantasy script, complete, if your sex partner is as imaginative as you, with both of you in baseball caps, jockstraps and scruffed up work boots: “Hey, buddy, long day huh? Need somebody to take care of that boner for you … just two truck stop buddies taking care of one another, right buddy? … need to take a piss first? Sure, buddy, I want that hot piss of yours all over me…” (stage direction: men move to bathroom tub – let’s hope. Hot piss on my chest is dandy, cold piss on my mattress ain’t). Yep, the word “buddy” or “bud” must be used at least ten times in 30 seconds to make the talk cock-sure effective.

A variation on the truck stop buddy script is when I’ve got a guy from Texas or Georgia or Carolina or even northern Florida whose drawl is enough to keep my dick stiffer than 100 mg. of Big V. That’s when he becomes my “Southern rebel boy.”

And when the guy’s younger or smoother than you or just in the mood to play your sub-son, there’s the Daddy-Boy script. Like when the guy is bobbing his dick in front of your face, “Dad’s proud of his boy’s (big) (stiff) (big knobbed) (big cut) (big uncut) dick …” Or when you’re ready to fuck him, “Ready for your training session, huh, boy? Dad’s gonna make you a man, boy, ready for that Daddy Dick up your ass?” Or “sorry boy, Dad’s gotta punish his boy’s (sweet) (tight) (hairy) (handsome) boy butt hole for being bad, just gonna have to keep fuckin’ it, boy, sorry boy, but…”

An enhancement of this theme is my “Civil War” angle.

“Well, rebel boy, you lost the war, so this Yankee here is gonna teach you a lesson for being on the wrong side…”

Now, when reading your script from your imaginary teleprompter, you also need to remember how you read it – in low, almost inaudible guttural tones – is as important to setting the mood and keeping those dicks nice and stiff as what you say.

But in the end, whatever you say, and that includes reciting a nursery rhyme if the guy’s pretending he’s 12 and you’re defiling his virgin ass (sure) for the first time, what’s key is that The Script gets the two of you to that ultimate Kodak moment.

I think you know what I’m talkin’ about, right, buddy, huh, buddy, huh?


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