“Looking for An LTR :” You Sure About That? II
“Waiting for Mr. Right but in the meantime I’ll take Mr. Right Now.”
If I see these lines in one more hook-up site profile of a guy over 45, I’m gonna puke all over my laptop keyboard which would not be a smart thing to do. Manhunt or Grinder are not the place to meet a lover or even find a date; maybe, maybe Match-dot-com might be.
But worst, you’re not only bullshitting guys like me who read your profile, you’re bullshitting yourself.
Why? Because if you’re still looking for an LTR at 50, good fucken luck!
I can hear the moaning already, “Oh, how can you say such a hurtful thing,” or the dozen comments like “You totally wrong dude. I met my Harry when I was 57 and he was 47 and we’ve been together for ten years and I ain’t supporting him.”
OK, OK, can meeting the love of your life at 50+ happen? Sure. Does it happen? Absolutely. But your odds are as good as trying to get rich overnight blowing your paycheck at Vegas or Atlantic City.
So, here are the depressing facts from a long-time Observer of, and Participant in The Life that those of you who bought the lifetime admission ticket to Gay Fantasyland don’t wanna hear.
When we think of an LTR we think of commonality in thinking and interests and style, and commitment to another human being emotionally. But, in the end, the only way any relationship will last is if both parties are ready to let go and compromise. That’s why I’m convinced that the older we get, the less we’re open to giving in, no matter what we say or even feel.
I mean, do you really wanna give up your side of the bed?
While there may be young guys who truly want an older man sexually and emotionally, not necessarily financially, and older guys who are seeking guys their same age, I think these factions are outliers. Instead, from my experience, the over 50 gay crowd can be broken up into a few groups, none of them very enticing.
There’s the 50 and over guys who may or may not have had an LTR in the past, maybe got burnt by one of them, may or may not be still interested in sex, or get their jollies from the web or porn, and are quite content to lead a solo life.
There’s the 50+ men who have partners with whom they may or may not continue to have sex with, together or separately, and who, at most, are looking for a reliable fuck buddy, not a lover. Hell, Fort Lauderdale where I live is a town of philandering partners.
There are the 50+ guys who are looking for an LTR or say they are who have nothing to bring to the table. Simply put, they’re train wrecks; they may have been pretty once, but now they’re out of shape, sick, alcoholic, drugged-up, with no real job, no money, nothing. So they say they love you – love without responsibility is bullshit. Hey, after not giving a damn the last 30 years, wouldn’t you want to hook-up with somebody who did and live off his dime?
And then there are the fifty plus guys who still look good because they take care of themselves, have their shit together, are stable and reliable, who are either panting after the 25 year olds who want a daddy in bed, or are waiting for a fifty plus guy who’s a 10.5 even if they’re a 7.
OK, so what’s my advice to you men pushing the Big 5-0? If you’re honest, really honest with yourself, about wanting a partner, DON’T FUCKEN WAIT til no one is interested in you anymore or you have to question whether their motives are genuine or money-driven.
Just last week, I ran into the webmaster of one of the popular hook-up sites in our local western bar. I casually asked him how his love life was going and his response was simple but all-telling: “Oh, I’ve got a few 8’s hanging out there but I’m still waiting for that 10.”
Now this guy, who’s in his mid 40’s, isn’t bad looking, lost a few pounds, and started going to the gym, but at most I’d classify him a 7.
Know what I said to him before I went for another Bud Lite?
“Don’t wait too long.”
He and so many other guys remind me of, of all people, my Aunt Ann on my father’s side who, though no beauty, had plenty of moneyed suitors when she was young, none of whom satisfied her. This guy was too old, this guy was going bald, this other one wanted her to move, another one only owned a hardware store, etc., etc., etc. Then in her early 40’s in an era when an unmarried woman over 25 was considered a spinster, Aunt Ann, apparently in desperation, married a full class loser, five years her junior, a divorced guy when divorce was still taboo, with two grown kids he never saw, who worked in a local factory, listened incessantly on his transistor radio to the New York Yankee games, and smoked three packs a day. My last vision of Uncle Sam was him sitting in the corner of their living room, sucking oxygen through a tube.
So remember, if you’ve found somebody that you click with, even if he doesn’t have blue eyes and a seven and five-eighths of an inch dick, don’t throw him under the bus because you’re waiting for Mr. Perfect.
No Mr. Perfect is perfect.
Hell, even the one of the hottest guys in Fort Lauderdale who I had the privilege of fucking is starting to lose his hair.
As for me, a guy who broke off a decades old relationship because we had grown apart, no more emotional roller coaster rides for me. Just my own private stable of fuck buddies – I have three genuinely handsome guys, all younger than me, who really dig their Daddy – is all I need.