Fetishes: Strange Bed Fellows

Fetishes: Strange Bed Fellows

Fetishes are like having a threesome, or even foursome. There’s you, there’s him, and there’s your respective fetishes, right there snuggled up in bed with the two of you.

And ah, the crazy, quirky stuff we’re turned on by. Now, I must admit that guys into fetishes do have a creative flair.  O.K, O.K., maybe stained, smelly jockey underwear and body hair doesn’t sound kinky by today’s standards, but I got a bit turned on when my Luxembourg biker boy who fell in love with me on Daddyhunt asked for mine for his 35th birthday. So it cost me $12 to send it. A small price to pay for the love of my fans.

But when distance isn’t the issue, what’s wrong with just some good-old fashioned dick and ass? Isn’t what God gave us enough? As I’ve hypothesized before, has this oversexed society we live in desensitized all of us, gay and straight, to the real deal? Or are the jaded among us who’ve played the game too long now find ordinary play, well, a bit “same old, same old?” The result: we’re always looking for a fresh angle to rekindle that hard-on of old.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so critical. Maybe you were bedazzled by your daddy’s big toe on the beach when you were three and you’ve been fixated on men’s big toes ever since. Who knows?

Sure, there’s the conventional fetish list: feet, piss, hairy chests, pits, asphyxiation sex, chains, smelly socks, e-stimulation, tits, bondage, jockstraps, pumps, ball torture (one of my hot fuck buddies loves me to mallet his tied up balls), work boots, big asses, tackle weights, heavy bellies, and cucumbers (yes, cucumbers). But then there’s the kinkier kink, a few of which I’ve had the dubious honor of encountering in my notorious gay career:

Bush hair. Some guys trim it or even shave it off (why?), but there was one guy into it big time. The thicker, the hotter.

Forearm hair. See above.

Guys dressed, not in carpenter’s pants, but ties and three piece business suits. I never did make it with the guy to find out when, and if, the clothes came off.

Watching Gilligan’s Island on DVD while he was getting fucked. Now, I find porn actually a distraction while doing it, (after all, you got me, what do you need the porn for?) but 40 year old sit-coms?? Maybe it’s a kind of sailor fetish, you think?

Puffing cigarette or cigar smoke on my cock as he sucked it (Actually kinda hot, just no flicking ashes, please).

Using a vacuum hose to get his dick hard – vacuum pump, fine, but a vacuum cleaner??). I remember while I was still working in the hospital line when a straight guy came into our ER, the hose of his Oreck still engulfing his cock. Beats Viagra’s cautionary four hour erections.

Having his Yorke, Natasha, lick his balls while he was going down on me. I declined the offer when he wanted me to lay my family jewels in front of his little doggie’s long, wet tongue.

It’s come to a point the next guy may want a full size cut out of Raquel Welch in her prime, maybe from “One Million, B.C.,” standing by the bed to get turned on.

Wouldn’t just slipping him a Viagra be so much simpler?


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