Overheard at a No Kill Shelter Between Two Mutts
Translation from Dogezze courtesy Google/BowWow/Translate:
Smartass: So where did you come from?
Wimpy: l was with a real nice old couple. They didn’t even complain when l barked a lot and their neighbors were yelling to shut me up. Then the husband died and the wife ended up in a nursing home and their daughter who lived on the other side of the country didn’t want me. So here l am.
Smartass: That’s what happens when you get adopted by somebody who’s got one foot on a banana peel.
Wimpy: And what about you?
Smartass: l was with a couple who had a little bitch for a kid. She kept pullin’ on my tail and my cock – the pervert – so finally l bit her in the leg. They should have put her in a cage, but no, they threw me out instead.
Wimpy: So how long do you think we’ll be here before we find somebody new to freeload off of?
Smartass Who knows. But I hear on the street the best ones to nab are fags. And after the shit l just went through, l think they’re right.
Wimpy: l thought the politically correct term was gay.
Smartass: Jesus, we’re dogs, we don’t have to be politically correct.
Wimpy: Okay, then why fags?
Smartass: Cause they treat their dogs like kids. Buy us the best dog food, take us to the vet every time we have an ass-ache, take us with ‘em on all their fancy trips. And unless they’re the progressive types, no children around to bug us.
Wimpy: What about str8’s with no kids?
Smartass: l guess they’re okay, but they just don’t treat their dogs like fags do. I mean with fags you’re guaranteed you’ll be pampered.
Wimpy: All right, but how can you tell if someone’s gay?
Smartass: It used to be easy, but now with all this metrosexual shit it’s getting harder to tell the gay guys from the str’8 ones. They usually come in pairs. The guys wear nice tapered jeans from the Banana Republic, not baggy ones like the str8 ones buy at Wal-Mart. Or their hair is buzzed.
Wimpy: Hey, what about this guy over here? He keeps looking at me.
Smartass: Bingo! He’s wearing those super short gym shorts. He’s gotta be a fag.
Wimpy: So, so what should l do?
Smartass: Look cute stupid. Don’t fucken bark to get his attention – he’ll think you’re one of those noisey ones. Let him find that out later. No, just look him straight in the eyes, and keep staring.
Wimpy: He’s walking over!
Smartass: Great! Now don’t fuck this up! This may be our one chance at Daddysville.