“Edge Me The Fuck Up!”
I love xtube. Type in “guys who like goldfish stuck up their ass,” in its search engine and up pops 4,753 guys that do, including those who prefer tropical fish. Yet for all the exotica this porn site sports, the clips that give me the quickest hard-on are the ones most would consider vanilla, “bating buddies,” which are guys masturbating in front of one another or stroking one another’s cocks.
And the bating master of all bating masters is “AAD2.” Each of his clips feature hairy burly masculine guys like himself with big hard tools. But what makes his stuff so hot is the verbal. Like the clip entitled ”Two Hairy Bators – Deep,Verbal Exposed Bate.” AAD2 is stroking this other guy’s stiff dripping cock, the guy is moaning away when, forty seven seconds into the clip, the guy yells out in a lustful guttural tone this immortal line that will forever go down in amateur gay porn history:
“Edge me the fuck up!”
The other night, in between screwing around with Jim, my fuck buddy with the hairy chest and abs and tight body that never sees the inside of a gym, l happened to mention my fascination with the clip and, before you know it, we were using the phrase to rev up our own mutual lust:
Me (grabbing Jim’s nips): Want me to edge you the fuck up?
Jim: Yea, yea, edge me the fuck up!
Me: You sure about that? You sure you want me to edge you the fuck up? ‘Cause once l start, there’s no turning back.
Jim: Just fucken do it, fucker. Edge me the fuck up!
That week l hit the trifecta and had three of my five fuck buddies over: Chris, my 53 year old but looks 30 years old boy on Tuesday; and John, my 47 year hairy hunk, that Thursday, and we used the phrase so much AAD2 had a right to sue us for copyright infringement.
Chris is the world’s greatest cock sucker and every time l muttered deep and low, “So boy, you’re gonna edge your dad the fuck up?” Chris would just nod. You see, he had my dick in his mouth.
John and l, on the other hand, are both daddies and often play truckers. In fact it was John who broke me into smoking cigars:
John (lighting up his stokie) : So buddy, you gonna edge me the fuck up?
Me (grabbing the pouch of his jockstrap): Damn right, l’m gonna edge you the fuck up!
So the next time things are getting a little soft (pun intended) between you and your partner; or the chemistry doesn’t seem to be working between you and a newbie, give this verbal Viagra a shot. Grab the guy by the neck, dangle your tool three inches from his nose and in the most guttural voice you can make, yell out like you were gonna beat the shit out of him:
“Edge me the fuck up!”
If that doesn’t work, confiscate his homo license on the spot.