“The Third Sex” Redefined: Today’s Bi-Married Man
There was a movie produced in the pre-gay lib days of the nineteen thirties entitled “The Third Sex” which attempted to address what made us, homosexual men and women, “the third sex” tick. Well, I think it’s time to redefine “the third sex” as a distinct faction within our demographics, at least the gay male demos. It’s the bisexual male, in particular, the bisexual married man, who is married or was married, kids optional. Another time-worn term, “down low,” which used to refer only to African American bi-men, is also being more frequently applied to bi-married guys, white, black and all the other shades of the race or ethnic rainbow.
Now, being a purist gay all my homo career, I think I’ve screwed around, for the most part, with only other purist “men only” gays. But lately, for some unknown reason, I’ve encountered, spoken to, befriended, or bedded down with a growing number of bisexual men, married past or present.
(I’m not talking about the unshackled bi-male, members of today’s Pan Generation, who flip flops between sexes til he begins collecting Social Security or starts ordering Viagra off the web. In my mind, these foot loose and fancy free bisexuals are just another variation of the immature Peter Pan/Tinker Bell American male. Nor am I addressing those good hearted, never-been-married gay guys who play foster dads or adopt the kids straight society doesn’t want.)
I’ve always thought that bisexuality was a crock and I still do. Not that a guy can’t fuck a man and a woman and not enjoy both. It’s just that we all gravitate to what we feel most comfortable with. So, I don’t care if you screw guys and gals. If your brain, as the experts say, the body’s biggest sex organ, is aroused by the male species, that’s what you’re gonna prefer in bed. Period.
That being said, there are a lot of guys out there, a lot more than we think or mainstream America would believe, who play both sides of the sexual fence. Half of me envies them for having seen it all (I confess: I’ve never fucked a woman, and wondered over the years what it would be like, along with having children). The other half of me despises those bi’s who suddenly walk away from a marriage and fuck-up some woman’s life (if she truly thought the guy was straight) or, worse, their kids, particularly if they’re minors.
Even if when these guys call it quits the kids are grown up and on their own, again, is it fair to leave wifey, often middle aged, out to dry? We all know it’s easier in this society for a homely, portly straight guy to get some action or even find love than an attractive 45+ year old lady (unless the divorce left her loaded – read cougar); that’s just America for you.
The fact remains they’re out there, out there in droves. Some are actively married with grown kids and grandkids, others are divorced and disowned by their family or, because they had a loser of a wife, are raising or have raised their kids on their own or, in some cases, with a male partner.
But why, do you ask, would a guy who knows he’s gay get married in the first place? And have children yet?
Some possible scenarios Friday.