How To Look Sexy (Even If You Think You’re Not)
Okay, the Gay God wasn’t kind to you when it came to your gene pool, but does that mean you have to look like you were going to Walmart to buy moth balls? There are ways, short of resorting to thousands in plastic surgery, to make yourself look “with it:”
- Don’t keep wearing your hair like you did in high school especially if there ain’t much left. Tear out an ad or download a pic off the web of a guy your age whose clip looks hot and bring it to your local barber. Frankly nothing ages you quicker than a do that’s decades out of fashion.
- Lose a couple of pounds, or if you’ve got the body of an ironing board, hit the gym. Even if you don’t become another Marie Osmond testimonial or a gym bunny you’ll feel better about yourself and if you feel better, you’ll look better.
- And when it comes to clothes, be age appropriate – nothing’s worse than a mature gay guy trying look like somebody’s boi. But that doesn’t mean you have to look like you shop at thrift stores either though ironically they may be a great place to start thinking outside the box and experiment with looser or tighter pullovers or looser or tighter jeans without a heavy outlay.
- Give up smoking and cut back on the booze. Besides both being expensive habits, nothing ages you quicker. And kissing someone with Marlboro breath is never romantic.
- For about seven hundred bucks, you can get collagen fillers to pump up your face, and diminish wrinkles and jowls and even the bags under your eyes. Shelf life: a year to eighteen months. Or try the poor man’s version like Plexiderm, an invisible wrinkle concealer which takes five minutes to put on and an easy ten years off your face and lasts about six hours – long enough to keep a trick or partner happy. You can order it online.
- Most importantly, THINK YOUNG. Whenever somebody tells me l look good for my age – whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean – l tell them l attribute it to lots of booze, lots of drugs, and lots of sex. What l mean by that sarcastic comment is not to write yourself off at 50. Have interests in something – beyond sex, booze and drugs.
Otherwise, you might as well just dig the hole, put your lawn chair out and wait.