The Land That Jennie Craig Forgot
Forgive me my PA friends but …
Thirty per cent of the world’s population is obese, and l think Northeast Pennsylvania or more particularly Milford, PA., where l’m staying with my ex till Labor Day in our summer home, is the epicenter. For every hottie and smokin’ chick, there’s three guys or gals who look like they spent the winter in their refrigerator and now that it’s summer and sweaty, decided to continue vacationing there in their frozen ice cream section. I mean how BIG can one person get?? Shit, if l gain five fucken pounds I go anorexic. These folks must have a funhouse mirror in their bedrooms, and specially designed toilets to sit on that use GPS to find their shitholes.
I guess there’s something to be said for living in a year-round summery climate where we’re almost feel compelled to look good, and not hibernate for six months out of the year in sweats and winter coats. Though that’s no excuse.
Hell, some of these guys, especially the six foot four variety, look like their own zip codes, and a few are working on being their own counties. And the women – excuse me you lipstick lesbians out there – look like they’re members of a bull dyke brigade, and these are the ones with three kids in tow at Walmart, where fat people party. In fact l wouldn’t be surprised if some of them have more testosterone flowing through their veins than a lot of our Fort Lauderdale muscle bound hotties.
Which leads me to an interesting hypothesis: if the guys actually fuck these gals who look like truck drivers, could it be that the guys are actually closet cases acting out their deep seated homo desires?? And who knows, maybe their women are strapping it on and fucking them? Or fisting them? (After all they probably keep their nails short.)
All l know’ when l see the mythical country boy come alive before me, tall, lean, and bearded, and he’s trailing some broad who could occupy one of those Tiny Houses (catch the series?) all on her own, my inner lustful sexual being wants to shout out in the middle of Walmart’s Super Snacks aisle:
“What the fuck are you doing with her? You can have me!”
All joking aside, avoidable health issues like obesity which leads to high blood pressure, heart attacks, diabetes and even cancer cost all of us more in health care expenses and premiums because these $$$’s are averaged out among the entire population.
So ditch the funhouse mirror and lose the weight!