Total Tops and Total Bottoms
I know, I know, I should talk. I’m a top who never gets fucked. But to my credit I also dig oral sex and have no problem draining a top’s tool dry or serving a bottom’s cock before I fuck the shit out of ’em. (I think also not getting into anal sex saved my life in the dark days of the AIDS epidemic in New York City. Some of the hottest guys from my generation are six feet under.)
But then you got those purists of the male gay animal, the total tops who only want to fuck, period, and total bottoms who only want to get fucked, period. Nothing else.
Time and time again, tops, humpy tops are looking at my profile on just about any of the half dozen or so hook-up sites and phone apps I’m on, but while a few may give me a “You’re hot, man” shout-out, few, very few respond when I reach out to them with a “I know were both tops but I do have the East Coast Cocksucker Award if you want me to take care of you …” or simply “Two tops can still have fun.”
They’re what I label the myopic top who can see no further than a guy’s butthole. And they’re also the ones who I eventually block after they keep revisiting my profile endless times for only one reason. Don’t want the real me? Well, then, you ain’t getting the virtual me.
But I really love those humpy tops only who when they hit me up say they’d love to bottom for me.
Then we’ve got the other end of the spectrum, the total insatiable bottom. They describe exactly what they want from you in their opening e-hit: “My side door will be unlocked. I want you to walk in, and without saying a word, come into my bedroom where I’ll be laying on my bed ass up and I want you to stick your dick in my ass and fuck me til you breed me and then you can leave.”
No foreplay, no sucking dick, no playing with my tits which are hardwired to my dick, nothing to turn me on except your hole. And a lot of these insatiable bottoms, methed up to the rafters, could lie there all night getting screwed til your dick fell off and still want more.
In fact one only wanted to be fisted – just my fist, not my dick. OK, sure.
Kinda sad, ain’t it? I mean, I realize guys and gals do a lot of things in bed, the human animal being a creative creature, but nothing can beat the diversity between two men. Tits, pits, rimming, fisting, sucking, getting sucked, stroking, bondage, toys – oh, and did I mention fucking?
Total tops and total bottoms also speak to a greater problem in this wonderful sub-culture of ours – meism. All I care about is my pleasure, not yours. Like a bottom buddy of mine from SF who when he’s in town but not supporting the gay hotel industry by freeloading with friends wants ME to pay for the bathhouse room – and his out-of-town membership – since he likes its kinky elegance so he can have MY dick up HIS ass for 45 minutes. Huh? He’s the one who needs the appendage – all I need is my hand.
So, to the myopic total tops, all I can say is, you’re passing up a lot of hot guys who would give you a ton of sexual satisfaction.
And to the insatiable total bottoms, my only advice is:
Get a broomstick!
P.S. You know these guys who say they could fuck or get fucked all night? The typical sexual act lasts all of seventeen minutes.