Country Cruizing …

Country Cruizing …

Some observations since slumming this summer up in PA country:

This is Mr. and Mrs. Pillsbury Doughboy and their Muffins Territory. A Jenny Craig franchise up here would go bankrupt in a month.

Down in Lauderdale, sex is more important than eating. Up here, eating is sex.

Here the homely nerds that got bullied and picked on in high school are now the professionals in Manhattan making big money. The pretty boy jocks with bodies by God who bullied them are here cutting grass, raking leaves and shoveling snow.

Here old men think about or have sex. Old women go antiquing.

Down in Lauderdale we barhop, fuck, beach, and get high. Up here getting high and fucking is all they got.

Here with the nearest gay guy 25 miles away, virtual sex on a hookup site or phone app isn’t an option, it’s a given.

Here, guys in Witness Protection Territory, hiding from guys they squealed on go from Tony Soprano to Stu Levine.

All I know, come Labor Day I head back home to the narcissistic, the anorexic (my 42 year old lover and I only half joke that we must be anorexic if we go nuts if we gain five pounds), the drug happy, the sex addicted, and the who cares about skin cancer, I wanna look good naked crowd.

And I can’t wait.