Open Vs. Closed Relationships: Part I
There has been confusion of late among some of my partnered buddies as to what constitutes an open relationship vs. a closed one when it comes to extracurricular activities. Remember, this is Fort Lauderdale, the town of philandering partners who vowed undying loyalty to one another till the next plane filled with vacationing gay tourists hits the runway at Fort Lauderdale International Airport.
Now here’s my view of these arrangements from my decades of observation and experience as a gay man.
In my mind open relationships may be the healthiest since by implication such relationships have been openly discussed by the two parties at hand. Just because you and/or your soulmate are no longer interested in a monogamous relationship – or maybe never were (remember we’re talking about two men here) doesn’t mean you don’t love or respect or care for one another. Properly framed, recreational sex can be a great way to stem off stress in your life, and, yes, in your relationship. (My philosophy has always been that if everyone started the day with the lay, the world would be a better place.) As for the caveat that you might lose him to that other guy, isn’t that always the case in gay life anyway?
An open relationship means that on occasion if you and or he would like to spend some time with a third party, all you have to say is “l going out tonight (this weekend…. etc). I’ll buzz you to see if all’s OK, and you know where to find me.”
Next time you rendezvous it’s “you want shredded wheat or cornflakes for breakfast, hon?” No explanations, no interrogations, no incriminations. The only thing the philanderer owes his partner is practicing safe sex if needed with Mr. Mystery Man.
Hell, one guy l know actually tells his partner the fuck buddy he’s seeing which, believe it or not, can bring his old man some solace knowing he’s with a regular, not slumming the streets, or l should say the web, like a whore. Again if such liaisons end up trainwrecking a relationship, it was in the stars to happen anyway. And, who knows, on occasion Mr. Hotstuff may end up being viable threesome material to liven things up for Partner A and Partner B.
More on Open Vs. Closed Relationships Friday.