The Answers to Friday’s: “Questions You’ll Never Find on the American Citizenship Exam”
- “Washington slept here” is often used by towns throughout the East Coast as a tourist grabber. In which town did The Father Of Our Country have a threeway with two barmaids? Answer: Pick any town he visited. He wasn’t called The Father Of Our Country for nothing.
- Which First Lady could be considered the Wash Woman of the White House? Answer: Abigail Adams, wife of John Adams, our Second President, who hung wash in the half finished Executive Mansion.
- What President spent money like a drunken sailor so when he died his slaves had to be sold to pay his debts? Answer: Thomas Jefferson, who wrote the phrase, “All men are created equal.“
- Who was quite possibly our shortest President (how big his dick was history doesn’t tell us)? Answer: James Madison, who was five foot four
- Which President’s wife was accused of being a bigamist? Answer: The wife of Andrew Jackson who supposedly married him before the divorce with her first husband went through.
- Which future President supposedly screwed around with his male roomate while studying law? Answer: Abraham Lincoln.
- Who was possibly our first gay President who was a crossdresser and had his boyfriend live with him in the White House? Answer: James Buchanan.
- Which President fathered a child out of wedlock (for you millenials that means without being married to the gal)? Answer: Grover Cleveland.
- Which President was a dirty old man who married while in the White House when he was 49 and his bride was 21? Answer: Grover Cleveland.
- Which President may have been poisoned by his wife who was fed up with him fucking around? Warren G. Harding by his wife Florence.
- Which President was a man of such few words, unlike today’s politicians, that when a woman at some function said she took a bet that she could make him say more than two words his reply was “You lose.” Answer: Calvin Coolidge.
- Who was our first “handicapped “ President that most people never knew was physically challenged? Answer: Franklin D. Roosevelt who had been crippled by polio and used heavy metal braces to simulate walking while assisted by a military officer or one of his sons. There is only one known picture of FDR photographed in a wheelchair.
- Who may have been our first lesbian First Lady? Answer:Eleanor Roosevelt who had a very dear mannish looking (that’s how my very politically incorrect mother would have described her) female news reporter friend Lorena Hickok with whom she traveled extensively.
- Who may have been our first alcoholic First Lady? Mamie Eisenhower, wife of Dwight D. Eisenhower, who actually had Meniere’s Disease, a condition of the inner ear which affects equilibrium and made her appear drunk at some public functions. Or was that the cover story?
- What President, well known as a womanizer, was quoted as saying, “Move over, this is your President” to some young thing when the both of them we’re trying to recover from their heavy drinking in one of their party host’s bedrooms? Answer: Lyndon Johnson.
- How many times did John F Kennedy jerk off thinking of Marilyn Monroe on his way to his Inauguration? Answer: None, he was fucking her on the train over.
And here’s the Bonus Round: Why is the White House called the White House?
In the War of 1812, the only invasion on American soil by a foreign power outside of the British during the American Revolution and the terrorists on 9/11, the Brits set fire to the Yankee capital. The Executive Mansion was seriously damaged, and to cover the charred burn marks on its outer walls that still stood, it was painted – you got it – white.