Those That Shout Don’t Get Ulcers

Those That Shout Don’t Get Ulcers

My good friend Donnie is a genuinely nice guy. But sometimes being too nice and holding it all in with people you should not be nice to can lead to a terrible case of ulcers which were uncovered during his last colonoscopy.

Now it’s true his sixty hour a week job as a high powered ad executive, has its moments. But there are other stress points Donnie can easily eliminate.

Just a month ago I witnessed some obnoxious jerks at Donnie’s pool party, who kept grabbing at his tits and crouch when he repeatedly told them to cool it. After they left he vowed they would never be invited again, but in hindsight he should have told them to “get the fuck out” the day of the party.

Or what about the meth head cutie and buddy of Donnie’s from Georgia who was invited to stay the weekend but ended up barricaded in his guest bedroom getting high instead of mingling. Had I been the host I would have told him that if he wanted to get high all alone he could do that much better – at home.

So I’m already working on the “Doing A Ray” curriculum which is telling assholes exactly what you think of them, sometimes punctuated by lots of shouting and the use of colorful New York vernacular.

In the meantime I’ve asked Donnie to do a demo the next time he is on a plane for work. The first passenger that pisses him off gets a loud “Go fuck yourself!” If the female attendant attempts to intervene, he’s to tell her to go fuck herself. And If it is a male attendant he is to grab him, throw him in the john and savagely gang rape him.

How I know he will be successful is when I get that call from his partner that he was escorted off the plane by the feds.

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