Medical Marijuana Anyone? Knox Dispensary Here I Come!

Medical Marijuana Anyone? Knox Dispensary Here I Come!

For those of you too young to remember or give a shit, there was this sadistic senator from Wisconsin, Joseph McCarthy, who led a Witch Hunt in the early fifties to make a name for himself. It was just after World War II and the Red Scare had gripped the country – now Russia tries to infiltrate us not with spies but through our modems – and McCarthy started accusing names in our society, mostly concentrated in the entertainment industry and Hollywood, as ”card-carrying members of the Communist Party.” A mere whisper from the McCarthy camp and you were blacklisted. Your career was over and for many their lives.

Well, a week ago this past Monday, thanks to the Florida Department of Health and the U.S. Post Office, I became a card-carrying member of the Medical Marijuana Society of America.

Yes folks, I got my official Medical Marijuana card, allowing me to purchase the stuff, and the very next day I made my field trip to Lake Worth, north of Fort Lauderdale in Palm Beach County and the Knox MM Dispensary. I preferred hiking it up to Palm Beach than entering the Manhattan style traffic of Miami, site of the only other dispensaries in south Florida. Broward County where I live has too many school zones – I guess despite all us gay folk, people are fucking like rabbits – but rumor has it one should be opening soon.

Knox was conveniently located just minutes from IS 95 in a bright sleek modern medical office building right on the main drive. True there was a security door to enter – the receptionist had to buzz you in – and a sign on the door stated no firearms inside but I guess this was for all the crazies – conservatives who think MM is the work of the devil, and potheads who would like to clean the place out.

While reviews on the web spoke of long waiting times, there were only half a dozen people before me,I guess, because it was a weekday afternoon. I checked in at the front desk, showed my card, the receptionist looked me up on the state registry and after only a ten minute wait I was whisked inside by one of their young, very Irish, very freckled sales reps who, glancing at my records, said l had an “open order.” That means l could buy just about anything l damn well pleased from capsules to edibles to the concentrated oil cartridges which you smoke in one of those vapo-cigs which is what I chose given my recent past experience with my friend’s stuff.

I made my usual editorial comment how modern medicine had failed me in the pain department. All traditionalists prescribed were pills that knocked you out, made you sleepy, made you dizzy, got you hooked, or left you with a limp dick.

Not MM, my cheerful, forever smiling sales rep said, “All it does is make you happy, make you giggle and give you an attack of the munchies.”

She went on to explain there are about 10 varieties or strains – much like Ben and Jerry’s ice cream – each with a slightly different effect. She recommended I start with Baldor for daytime use which gives you a boost (my testosterone doc told me it was also good for sex) and use Gemma at night when I want to relax and get to sleep. Each came in the form of an concentrated oil cartridge that screwed onto the vapo-cig. I expected the stuff to be a high ticket item but each oil cartridge was just ninety bucks. A few minutes later, I left with my stuff secured discreetly in a little white bag. (Did the white symbolize hope?)

Gemma lives up to its reputation. Three drags about an hour before you go to sleep and its nighty night. No more getting up two or three times in the night to shift from the bed to the sofa where my trusty heating pads await me to ease my chronic lower back and neck pain, the result of my collapsed spine. Plus unlike Advil PM that leaves you with a dopey feeling the next morning, MM has no such lingering effect. Baldor, the daytime stuff however does, so I’ve been taking just a drag along with my Advil daytime, and Bayer Back and Body.

So what’s the verdict you ask? Is MM better than all those pharmaceutical answers? Hopefully, but I still need more time and experience to make a final judgement.

But one thing is certain. Medical marijuana is the only option I got left.

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