Shades of Gay
If you were an alien from some outer galaxy monitoring American life, you’d think that everyone entered a voting booth at age twelve and a half and yanked a lever marked “sexual orientation.” But those of us who are gay, and I think a hell of a lot of enlightened heteros out there, recognize that sexuality (a) is inborn, genetic, either repressed or enhanced by environment; and (b) is often, because of where and how we are raised, not black and white but myriad shades of gray.
I once had a boss who hired me, a gal, and another guy, all of us gay. He was supposedly, as they stay, straight as an arrow, with the stereotypical suburban life, kids, grandkids. Sometimes the three of us would get together to try to figure Eric out. Did he rightly reckon that gay professionals are more reliable and tend to work harder because we have less personal commitments to deal with (like mothers-in-laws and taking kids to soccer practice)? Or was he attracted to us because he had a splash of gay blood in him? Who knows?
The point I’m trying to make here is that sexuality, including homosexuality, is as open to interpretation as color swatches at Home Depot. You’ve got guys, regular guys, beefy guys, who rap one another on the ass after a sweaty football game, homoerotic as hell, then go home and fuck their wives or girl friends silly, maybe because they got turned on on the field? Then there’s the same guy type, maybe he’s a coach or a truck driver, with a male life partner or some fuck buddy who mirrors his under-spoken masculinity, and they very discreetly, or maybe not so discreetly, fuck the shit out of one another every chance they get. You’ve got openly effeminate men, many in the professions, who are as straight as a flagpole with seven kids to prove it and not a homo urge in their loins, and cross-dressers who have ten inch dongs and fuck bi-married men.
Sure, there are as many shades of gay as stripes in the Pride Rainbow flag. But what I disagree with which is against prevailing propaganda in our so-called collective LGBT community is that gay girls, gay guys, transgenders and transsexuals are all cut from the same cloth. I think there are very different psyches operating within and between homosexual women, homosexual men, guys who get their kicks dressing up, and individuals who genuinely think and feel like one sex but have the equipment of the other between their legs.
We are not all alike and, frankly, I’m tired of all of us being thrown in the same sandbox, not only by “society” but by this “Community” the media, show biz, and some activists have created, often for their own self-interests, not mine.
Now, I can’t speak for gay girls or transsexuals since I haven’t known enough of them in my life to play even dime store psychiatrist, but when it comes to transgenders, please, pray tell me, what fucking gay man who likes his own sex would willingly have his dick sliced off, huh??
Interestingly, in the new FX series “Pose,” about the transgender subculture of New York City in the 80’s, two of the female characters who once led their lives as males have male boyfriends who know they still have their dicks but continue to have sex with them, even love them. Does that make their boyfriends bisexual, closet homos or what?(By the way the show has been renewed for a second season – terrific. Making the word unique sound boring, the show sported some of the wildest fashion fantasies ever with dancing out of this galaxy, especially in that “Pose” sequence in the last episode. Wow!)
Nor am I being judgmental when I say this since I truly believe that as long as someone does not physically and/or psychologically abuse another individual and is not looking for a hand-out to carry on a lifestyle, it’s that person’s business how he or she conducts his or her life.
That’s not to say the world is ready to accept us with open arms, but we all have to concede things are a thousand times better no matter what our “kink” than they were just a generation ago.
But let’s get back to what it is to be homosexual for me. There are some gays, not the majority, but some who love the lifestyle as much as or even more than the “Sexual Act.”
They’re the ones who bankroll, chat on, even write pro-PR blogs about the bars and the parties and the events and the cruises and the music and the celebs and LOGO and the GQ look. All very nice, even envied by some outsiders (read straights) looking in, but very surface and cursory.
Me? Sure I drift in and out of that world as I choose, but the reason I like, yes, like being gay is because I’m a regular guy who tries to stay in shape (but not as a steroid junkie, gym addict or leather man) because I want to feel like a man when I’m fortunate enough to have a like-man next to me where I can feel and smell (no deodorant please) his masculinity. Otherwise, wouldn’t it be a hell of a lot simpler and far more socially acceptable just to do it with a woman?
The problem for those of us who think like me is that all that other shit – society and our own “coveted” Lifestyle – gets in the way.
I’m starting work on my next book so this will be my last blog for awhile. Unless I’ve got something to say. Which is almost never.